Wednesday, June 30, 2010
You Married The Guy You Cheated On Me With!
So we got together some years ago; after one date you asked me to be yours.
I was nervous since we only knew each other for four weeks but I decided to take a leap of faith
You said I was lucky to have you because my ex had cheated on me and you said you would never do that to me.
I was your first for a lot of things, which I felt special to be. You supported my decision to do what I wanted to for me.
Never before had I felt like I truly was lucky, to be with someone like you, who really loved me.
We had very little in common, which was funny. Different music, culture, food, and race. All of that didn't matter - we both seemed happy together.
A part of me felt something was wrong...I ignored it thinking it was me paranoid about nothing.
I am offered a job in another state...maybe it was wrong, but I felt like I had to leave you behind.
I wanted to be an asshole so I treated you like crap as I kicked you out of my life so I can take the job.
I drive home full of regret and drive back to you hoping you'd forgive me for what I had done.
You seemed to have forgiven me, but I knew I had lost your trust.
However, I hoped that you would learn to trust me again.
I start to work really hard at work and in school, trying to create a life that would be good for us both.
I end up working too much and schooling as well, sometimes going days without talking to you.
You tell me about your "friends" you have and I know they were guys. However, I turn the other cheek
because you told me you would never cheat on me because you didn't even want to blow these guys.
I let you live your life not wanting to be controlling feeling like I had to give more to you so I can be forgiven.
One day months later, its more quiet than usual after you told me the night before how much we need
to go to a theme park and spend time together. The day that things flipped upside down and spun out of
control, I felt like something was ripped apart inside me. You told me you didn't want to be with me any longer and not giving me a straight answer and making me wonder. You tell me to hang on because you still wanted me in your life one way or another. I blamed myself thinking this was 110% my fault, and try to show you that I really loved you and still called you my girlfriend. Months go by and I drive myself nuts trying to win you back and found out there was another. I get fed up with competing and confront you both causing a scene, but funny I'm hearing the other didn't know about me. I find out more info that really was interesting...you were banging him on the day we were celebrating my birthday. Through others in your circle of friends and family, I found
out you were banging half of So Cali! One guy, two guys at once, even three guys in a two hour space.
Sending the kiddies upstairs while you did the deed in your family's house bathroom, were you smoking weed?
Sure you admit only after it was all said and done - I already found out so what was there to lose? The guy I was competing with. The guy I really hated. The guy who said he had no clue about me, later do I realize there was a hole in the story. He was porking you from the very beginning of the time you started to cheat.
Obviously it was a cover story so I wouldn't beat the snot out of him.
He acts like he wants nothing to do with you. Later after I walk away, you say that I should have learned to be more patient...whatever that means.
Three years later I happen to see you were still working at the place in the building I was hired for a job at.
I see you, but I'm pretty sure you didn't see me - I decide to not work at the place cause I didn't want to see your face.
Now forward to today, I see you have the surname of the guy that told me the final months of our relationship was really a lie. Amazing how things turn out despite the pain you caused, I really hope you don't do what you shouldn't have been doing. Cheating on me, while your family was asleep.
And of course, a part of me will always wonder - could things have been different?
Maybe in another lifetime...
Although if you were to come up to me and wanted to start over, I would say no way because I don't love you and never could again. What am I feeling? Maybe territorial - should have been me? Maybe a hurt ego? I wasn't good enough so you became a slut meeting random guys. Maybe disgust? Innocence you showed... that was it, it was only a show. Maybe stupid? Yeah that, too!
For the last four years, I have been with another - one that has been not only loving but likes for me to keep tabs on her cause it shows I love her.
Now I am about ready to control my destiny further and buy myself a huge house, my father a car.
All that bling you always liked to see on those rap videos on MTV.
You wanted to visit your family in Southeast Asia, can you imagine what this latin guy could do - could have flown us both just to make you smile.
Miss me yet?!
Man I feel better!