Dear Queen,I can't stop the tears from coming out of my eyes...
I am 7 months pregnant, extremely happy with my fiance, we have a beautiful relationship and and awesome life together I love him with all my heart. But there is one thing that really gets to me: HIS FAMILY!
Brian and I have our own apartment and have been independent now for 7 months, which coincides with the time I have of being pregnant, and in those seven months, no one has come over to see how we are doing, to visit, to hang out, just to be nice...
I know they might not like me. I am sort of a loner and keep to myself most of the time. I never give my opinion without it being asked and try to stay as far as possible from family problems, but COME ON! My baby is THEIR blood and nobody seems to care.
When I first told my mother in law we were having a kid, the first thing she told me is that if we wanted to abort she would support us...
IDK maybe I'm just being sensitive but it truly hurts. I had plans of doing my baby shower this weekend and had to cancel it because it seems everyone has something to do that day! For some reason, everybody is busy that weekend and I am stuck with a bunch of invitations that never made it to their intended guests...
I have (literally) no family here since they are all in Mexico or scattered all over the states, and since like I said, I keep to myself alot, I only have a handful of close friends.
In seven months, I have only got ONE present for my baby. And like I said, no visits, no company to my Dr.s appointments, JUST NOTHING!
I can't help it but cry. The only one that has been there is Brian's sister who has a 4 month daughter. She gives me advice here and there but is too busy learning how to be a mom as well to focus on cry-baby me.
My fiance works over 12 hours everyday and I just feel alone all the time! I know I have to be strong but I do wish things were a little different because if his family doesn't like me THAT IS NOT MY BABY'S FAULT!
Sincerely,
Crying Pregnant Woman
Ok Momma,
ReplyDeleteYou are experiencing the most emotional time of your life. Your hormones are raging, your baby is sucking the life out of you to bring life to that baby. That leaves not much room for personal physical and mental strength. I always thought to myself that it was TOUGHER being pregnant than actually having that baby! NO shit.. definitely harder lugging around that baby inside, having that life sucked out of you, having emotional break downs for God knows what reason, hungry, TIRED just walking to the mailbox and back, trying to get through it all. You still have a ways to go. Just wait until that last 2-3 weeks of baby growing a half a pound or more per week ( about 3 lbs extra a week for you!). You are going to want to put your belly on a fork lift to get around!
Everyone looks as if they are handling it better than you. It is not easy to be pregnant! No matter how the other pregnant woman "seems" to be handling it.
We live in a society that really does not value this time in a woman's life. Nor do we live in a society that values family. Expectations on women have become outrageous in the past few decades ( I am thinking that's why they have either become feminazis, or just down right bitches--- women did this to themselves and you and I just happen to get fucked by it). Society expects women to balance and handle so much crap, which we were NOT biologically set up to handle that much crap. We are supposed to be family oriented and supportive of one another to thrive emotionally and physically in life. What we face as a society, is empty lonliness, and work harder in our personal lives doing things alone because we have to, or nothing gets done. The crap forced upon us with no value , where there should be value, is overwhelming, mix a few unstable emotions we have complete disaster! Unless you have a fairly close family, you are going to struggle. As you stated your family is far away, so it is going to be even tougher on you without that support.
This is where my lecture gets tricky.. and ties in with the blah blah blah paragraph above...
i believe you are being "unfair" to the family in law, that is basically stuck in the same society as you are. You can't expect the illusion you are making up within your head of how things SHOULD be ( which disappoints you), over ACCEPTING the reality of how things are ( which brings you to an understanding of not only them, yourself too). I am pretty sure, they do not have the family values, they SHOULD have ( and you can't control) and the value of you being pregnant ( which they may love that baby too, and just not capable because of their own inner programming of their "LACKING" family value -- which is so very typical of this society we live in). This family in law, is completely normal in a society that just does not go out of their way to keep a family bond together. Its an "i love you" , "but don't burden my ass" mentality. Until they need something personally-- then they will go through the same exact feeliings your are going through now.. It is a vicious lonely ass cycle, that will never be corrected unless someone in the family pulls that bond in place and the family learns to lean on one another without the selfish burden wall that goes up.
Continued....
ReplyDeleteSO, Momma,, you can't change what can't be changed.. you can't change society, you can't change your families values, you can't change ANYTHING other than your own state of mind. If they are NOT supportive, ( which is so fucking common, so you are not experiencing anything abnormal, which is sad).. than you need to join MOMMIES groups, go to church, find places in which you can find support that you need. You will not get it where you seek within this family that has not done it for 7 months. The energy you are placing in your mind, and getting sad over something that does not exist, is going to drive you into more sad places. you have to do things that MAKE YOU AND BABY HAPPY!
Honestly, if i could change the clock back in time.. I would have taken all the hippies and bra burners and put them on a fucking island alone.. so they become extinct! I am sure a pregnant woman over 6 mos is supposed to sleep , eat and relax surrounded by all kinds of family members, that actually HELP with the role of her being pregnant. So baby can be as healthy as possible. It is hard to stay spiritually uplifted, when your body is just dragging you DOWN. Oh no.. they wanted equal fucking rights, which made them have ten fold responsibility , and kicked the male's role right out of the picture, then family values went to hell... it fucked us badly... women advanced 10 steps forward, and 5000 steps backwards. Men and women alike have to work too fucking hard, at something that REQUIRES team work!
Since we can't change this stuff. we are forced to adapt.. This is some pretty deep shit.. LOL.. but sad shit. Your instincts of what your family should be doing are correct. The reality of what your family is doing is correct too, since they are caught up in the adaptions we all had to make.
You have the power to change your family and bring that bond closer. It takes work, but since they have no clue what your expectations of them are, you can't expect them to know. You can keep inviting them over until they realize they are totally welcome at all times,, you can include them in shopping for the baby ( without expecting them to buy), you can call them up and talk about baby names, or even flatter them by naming baby after them. You can guide them into having a closer bond.. the bond you want, and can create, even when they reject it initially.. eventually they will come around, and you will have people to lean on. It will not happen over night.. you are competing with a whole society and its standards.. but, you have the ability to change your personal standards within this situation. It is basically the only power you do have, which you are not using correctly if you are over there crying :(
You will know this power is working, when family members jump to help, and support, and feel very comfortable around you, and everyone is smiling!
@Queen: I was trying to ask u if the post on 'trust' was 4 real..
ReplyDeleteyup, it is real, they all are, some are mine, but most are sent in, happen to friends of mine etc.
ReplyDeletesome of them are unbelievable, others are just plain sad, but hopefully my blog will help people feel better, and see that their problems are not as bad as others... I know it has worked for me!
ReplyDelete@Queen: yeah that post is not directed at you...lol no way...as far as this post, I just can't respond for what are obvious reasons ( for me i.e.)
ReplyDelete