Why I Love My Wife...

Is this guy not the best?

Queen,
This is a list of twenty things that my wife does that I love her for:

Constantly nags but about what I don’t know.
Remembers too many damn anniversaries.
Is never satisfied with my appearance.
Tells me I’m rude but then cuts me off in my rebuttal.
Will shop all day and then return everything the next day.
Has no concept of being on-time to anything.
Let’s me know when I’m wrong but forgets when she is.
Cannot stand cuss words except when she is using them on me.
Tells me I cannot drive but then expects me to drive where-ever we go.
Wants a fair equal relationship except with the bills.
Thinks her cooking is the best when actually mom’s is better.
Will force me to dance even without me being drunk.
Has PMS way too often.
Thinks our kids are angels when I know they are devils.
Will get mad about things that I have no idea of why.
Always sides with my mother on any issue involving me.
Accuses me of looking at other woman and then tells me that I would have no chance of getting anyone else anyhow.
Believes that “guys night out” means I am going to the Nudie bar.
Is looking to trade me in for a newer model any day now.
Gets a kick out of punishing me.

But the main reason I love my woman is that:

She puts up with all of me each and every day without poisoning my food.