Monday, May 31, 2010

Double Dumped

Get this Queen...

My ex-girlfriend came over on Wednesday, she wanted to talk and told me that she still loves me.  I asked her to marry me a month prior to our break-up.  You see I am not used to having a girlfriend that thinks like me, that cares and want to see them do great things with their life, and get through the hard times together.  That is what couples do, one hand washes the other, and walk beside me, not behind me, I mean we are in this together right.  She said that I treat her better then her last long term boyfriends have, and that she was simply not used to it. 

Then the next day, she calls me and tells me that she has to take care of herself and that she has to do what’s best for her and that no one has ever took care of her before, and I said that’s great, I can help if you want me to.  The B&%#$ has not returned my phone calls since!

The Day I Mooned My Ex

About a month after she and I broke up, my birthday was coming up, and she called one day and asked if I would agree to her taking me out for a drink. Now, I know full and well all about the 'no contact' deal, and I violated it, like we all have. It's not the end of the world. I let know I'd think about it, not sure right now, and feels a little weird. But within ten minutes of getting off the phone, my little plan began to transpire. I have a twisted sense of humor, definitely dry, abstract. But my humor isn't sick or evil. She could've been a jerk, but my plan isn't to instill psychological turmoil.

She had to get a lot of stuff of mine back to me. She'd been saying she'd drop them off for about 2 wks, but was resting on that. I agreed for her to take me out, asking that she bring the stuff along. To go along w/that whole 'no contact,' be assured I never initiated first contact.

We went out, I had an Irish car-bomb. We went somewhere else after, bickered about some stuff, and then she dropped me off. I was just about to get out of the car, put my hand on her shoulder or neck, can't remember, kind of like an 'ok, cool, bye' which somehow resulted in her leaning over and a quick kiss?

Anyway, I got out, loosened my belt, and MOONED HER. I glanced back to get the reaction. She was frozen. I just walked away...

I mean really, do you need to beg to them, give them one last 'reconsider' talk?

I highly recommend this. They never expect it. Forego any 12-step self help book. This is bliss. It's harmless, innocent, silly and weird, but not creepy. You're kind of getting back at them, but not in an angry, rage-driven way. You don't look like an idiot. I guarantee they'll give you respect and/or admiration. You'll walk away cool. Mooning is like saying "F you, and I don't give a F, anyway."

(btw, I'm the guy who wrote the cancer/relationship story, which also goes out to the women I've met who survived cancer, made it their be-aatch, and are total dollfaces. Some of them had total douchbags leave them.) Thank you, Queen!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I'm Your Wife Not A Porn Star

Dear Queen,

I am so tired of married men complaining about how we do not 'put out' as much after we are married.  Maybe if you guys gave us a little romance once and a while we would be more inclined to 'put out'.  I mean just because we are married does not mean you do not have to smoooze us anymore.  Surprise me, romance me, make me feel sexy, not all the time but every once and a while would be nice.  I mean I am your wife not some porn star that you can screw and then roll over and go to bed.  I do my share of fulfilling your 'desires' so why am I not inclined to receive the same in return?  Sometimes I just want to know that you know I am there, it feels like I could be anybody and you would not even notice!  Baby puke and my mummy tummy do not exactly make me feel sexy or desirable so you could help me with this, but instead you just complain, thanks.
Beauty Silkz

Relationships & Cancer

Queen, this is a rant to my ex,

Let me start out by saying that I was blessed to have you in my life. We dated for a while, even after I shared my entire freaky cancer survivor story. Yes, I survived it - a rare form that really did a number on me. Never was I given anything close to a terminal prognosis, but it still shook me.

You didn't run away, and you were awesome, at first.

But by month 8, I let you know that I had cancer follow-up appointments coming up, and said I was a little worried, but not freaked out about. Just know, these are the very words you said: 'I can't help you,' and 'how many more of these follow-up appointments do you have?' Then, you just walked away. To answer your question about how many more...even being cured, it's for the rest of my life. It's cancer. That's just the way it is. It doesn't matter if I had it 20 or 2 years ago. How would you have reacted if it ever did come back?

Why I didn't just leave you after that, which I thought about at least a few times a week, I guess it's just never only been about me. Your lack of compassion, anger, constantly asking if I was cheating or looking for someone else...all were big red flags. You accused me of flirting, even reading too much into friendly exchanges. You even came by one night, looking for me, when I'd clearly let know I was working out, and would call when back home. When you came by, I knew something was very wrong, possibly an emergency. Then you asked if I was seeing someone else. ???

But you hated your job, had money problems, and I was afraid you were severely depressed, possibly heading in a downward spiral. You even said at one point,'I feel like I'm being pulled in ten different directions, no time for myself!'

Well, you were laid off, so that's out of the picture. Still got the condo? Probably, but how's it going? My hunch is that you're in a new 'relationship.' Sometimes you can pick up on certain networking site details without trying to. And, by the way, it was weird to be asked if you could send me a friend request, since you mentioned you weren't sure where you'd be after the lay-off, and asked for advice. I never received the request. Cool.

You're basically a good person, and wish you well. But just know the things you said to a cool guy who kicked cancer's ass...that's embarrassing!

Take care, lady.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Crazy Ex Wives

Dear Queen,

I am sure I am not alone here when I say I HATE CRAZY EX-WIVES.  I love my boyfriend to death, but he has a child with this crazy woman who does not give a $&#@ about her child.  She just uses him to get money and then does not spend it on the kid nor does she spend any time with him, she wont even feed him and tells him that he is fat, when she is the one that is clearly over weight!  Instead she goes on lavish trips and buys new cars.  I do not remember the last time we went on a trip and our car is from the late 80's.  She tells everyone he does not pay child support when he does, and I know that for a fact.  She will randomly call the police on him for nothing if she does not get her way.  She has even told me that she dresses him poorly so that people feel sorry for her, and give her hand outs.  I just hope his son knows that his dad loves him and that his mom is a psycho.  She should be lucky her son has a dad, because many men would just have denied it and took off.  I know she is a scam artist, and would love to bust her for it, but I know it would just hurt his son in the long run.  Props to all the people who have to deal with crazy ex's.

Nothing but Negativity


My man is in a slump right now in his life, and I guess he is not where he thought he would be in his life right now.  He is always saying, I hate my life, and I hate hearing him say that.  I immediately think it is me that has caused him to think like this, even though I am probably the best thing in his life right now!  His negativity is wearing onto me, and it puts me in a bad mood.  There are plenty of people on this world that have it way worse then him, why cant he see the good aspects of his life, and if it is all that bad then change it.  It sure as hell is not going to get any better if you keep saying how much you hate it!
Kangaroo Keeper

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Cheating on a Gem

I am so sick and tired of hearing how all these stupid men are cheating on their beautiful wives.  First there was Tiger Woods, now Sandra Bullock, David Letterman, David Boreanaz, Mel Gibson, Larry King, and the list goes on and on.  I just do not understand what would make a man happy if these women can't.  I am not famous, nor rich, so how can I expect my man not to cheat when all these guys do it, and they have it all.  Not to mention these women are drop dead gorgeous, and I am not.  A lot of them have children together, it all makes me sick.  Talk about not knowing you have a good thing til its gone!  I hope your wives leave you, as you are all sorry excuses for men and do not deserve to be where you are at.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

'Everythings Fine'

I hate the word fine.  My girlfriend tells me everything is fine when clearly there is something bothering her.  Why can't women just tell us when we f%#$ up?  Like did I miss her birthday, or did something go wrong at her work?  I mean women are supposed to be emotional, yet when something is wrong... 'everythings fine'.  Guys if you ever hear your wife say 'everythings fine', it is the exact opposite, just some words of warning!  I guess I will be sleeping on the couch tonight.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Gamer Boy

Dear Queen of Rant

I understand video games are fun to play.  I mean I even play them once and awhile.  However, I do not understand how one can play them for hours, every day.  Don't they get boring after awhile.  My man plays way to much.  There are manly jobs that have to get done around the house, a few fixes and such that will probably never get done as long as there is a Playstation 3 in my house.  By then a new Call of Duty game will be out, and my man will be glued to the TV for every minute that he is not working.  Can he be distracted by something else or is this something I am just going to have to deal with... forever?

Monday, May 17, 2010

Your Invited-Sorry No Singles Allowed

Dear Queen of the Rant,

I am so sick of married couples with kids not inviting me to their kids birthday party's.  I mean I got invited to the first birthday for several of them, but I am not invited to them anymore.  I know I do not have kids, do you have to rub it in?  Since when did being single mean you were not allowed to go to a darn child's birthday. You think they would want the extra gift!  If that's the case, perhaps when it comes to my birthday, no couples are allowed! I mean the party's are not all that luxurious with screaming children everywhere for them to be excluding people, I did not know being single made you this unpopular.  The worst thing is that they try to hide the fact that they are having a party, and when someone brings it up they look like they just robbed a bank or something, this feels like high school all over again.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Naked Relationships

I recently heard this term called 'Naked Marriages"  where a couple will marry without a ring, a house, a car, and all the other 'necessities'.  However, who said you need all this to get married.  Marriage is about showing your love, not how much stuff you have together.  I find men are pulling this excuse for not giving women children and getting married, because they do not have a house or a car.  Who said you need that?  Did you parents have that?  My parents raised three kids in a basement suite for the first three years before they bought a small run down house.  They worked their butts off, are men these days really that lazy, this stuff does not fall from the freakin sky.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Hiding Behind Masculinity


Why do men have to hide their emotions.  I mean women have no problem speaking their minds, but when something is bothering my man, he just does not talk.  I poke and prod trying to get it out of him, and sometimes it is not even about me, yet he still does not talk.  If men would just tell us what is bothering them we could leave them alone, or try to resolve it, but not talking makes things worse, and makes it hard for us to focus on other things like our jobs, families and life in general.  Please guys, speak your mind, let it out we won't judge you or think you are any less of a man, promise.
Crazy Critters

Sick of Anti Gay Stunts

So I am sure many of you have heard about the anti-gay talk coming from Ramin Setoodeh who says that gays cannot play straight people believably.  That is just one more thing that anti-gays or homophobes have come up with.  Come on people if gay people are in love then why cant they show that love for one another by doing things like getting married.  I mean marriage 'aint all it used to be', so whats the panic.  Our divorce rates are at an all time high, so if two gay people vow to be together forever, when straight people cant even figure that logic out then props to them. 

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Kate Gosselin

Info PR: n/a I: 0 L: 0 LD: 131,263,731 I: 0Rank: 7 Age: Oct 12, 1999 I: 0 whoissourceRobo: yesSitemap: no Rank: 815 Price: 6538105 Density
So this is my first rant, Kate Gosselin is a good person.  I hate people constantly saying how she is a bad mother and the reason why Jon left her.  No Jon left her because he is an idiot, and does not have his priorities straight.  He is a douche, chasing after rich girls.  He has 8 kids and no job.  Lay off of poor Kate, she is doing what she can, and who said a little discipline made you a bad mother?  If I had 8 kids I would be crabby every once and a while too!

Can Talk the Talk

Dear Queen,
My husband is lazy!  He talks the talk, but does not walk the walk.  All I hear is how he is going to do this and that, but I never see it get done.  It is getting to the point where I just bank on the fact it wont get done, but it drives me because I keep hearing how he is going to do this and wants to do that.  Just shut up and do it already... otherwise be quiet already.

Trust or Lack There Of

Dear Queen of the Rant,
Today started off on a bad note, as some do.  However, in relationships a bad day can turn into a terrible day pretty quickly.  You see my boy friend has extreme jealousy issues, borderline crazy I would say, but I have learned to deal with it.  I understand trust is something I must earn, and I have done things to make him not trust me, but nothing as severe as cheating.  He has had these issues since before I met him, so I know it is not completely my fault, but I do not take it well. I get defensive and jump down his throat, but hey at 7:00 am in the morning if you got asked what you had been doing for the last half hour, you would too I am sure.  I mean what the heck do you think I am doing.  We are long past the days of having milk men, and I am not rich enough to afford a pool boy so where the heck do you think I was... I was doing what very many women do at 7:00 am in the morning I made some coffee had a shower, and am doing my make-up and being your alarm clock, waking your butt up.  At least I do it with a calm soothing voice unlike the way I get to wake up to a blaring beep.  Will there ever be a day that this guy trusts me, or is trying to gain this guys trust a big waste of time?

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Welcome All!

I just want to welcome everyone to my site. I hope you will have as much from reading and contributing as I will have blogging. To kick things off, send me all of your relationship rants, and I will post them for everyone to read comment and enjoy. You will get a dose of my own relationship rants as well, so happy reading...
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