Monday, May 31, 2010

The Day I Mooned My Ex

About a month after she and I broke up, my birthday was coming up, and she called one day and asked if I would agree to her taking me out for a drink. Now, I know full and well all about the 'no contact' deal, and I violated it, like we all have. It's not the end of the world. I let know I'd think about it, not sure right now, and feels a little weird. But within ten minutes of getting off the phone, my little plan began to transpire. I have a twisted sense of humor, definitely dry, abstract. But my humor isn't sick or evil. She could've been a jerk, but my plan isn't to instill psychological turmoil.

She had to get a lot of stuff of mine back to me. She'd been saying she'd drop them off for about 2 wks, but was resting on that. I agreed for her to take me out, asking that she bring the stuff along. To go along w/that whole 'no contact,' be assured I never initiated first contact.

We went out, I had an Irish car-bomb. We went somewhere else after, bickered about some stuff, and then she dropped me off. I was just about to get out of the car, put my hand on her shoulder or neck, can't remember, kind of like an 'ok, cool, bye' which somehow resulted in her leaning over and a quick kiss?

Anyway, I got out, loosened my belt, and MOONED HER. I glanced back to get the reaction. She was frozen. I just walked away...

I mean really, do you need to beg to them, give them one last 'reconsider' talk?

I highly recommend this. They never expect it. Forego any 12-step self help book. This is bliss. It's harmless, innocent, silly and weird, but not creepy. You're kind of getting back at them, but not in an angry, rage-driven way. You don't look like an idiot. I guarantee they'll give you respect and/or admiration. You'll walk away cool. Mooning is like saying "F you, and I don't give a F, anyway."

(btw, I'm the guy who wrote the cancer/relationship story, which also goes out to the women I've met who survived cancer, made it their be-aatch, and are total dollfaces. Some of them had total douchbags leave them.) Thank you, Queen!


  1. Well everyone rants in their own way. The good thing is that you found a way to heal on your own, and get a good laugh out of it too. That would be embaressing for her I am sure of it. It also sounds like you are happy with your decision and that it looks like you made the right one. Way to go, and thank you for your wonderful submissions!

  2. This is tooo funny, way to sock it to her!

  3. cute, funny, creative, harmless story... i gotta know though: did you remember to get your stuff back?! lol ;-)

  4. It actually makes getting dumped and a high-maintenance relationship almost worth it all. I'll never forget the look of shock, followed by the lame comment: 'Looks like a full moon.'

    @Sarah, I did get the stuff back, most of it.


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