Thursday, May 13, 2010

Hiding Behind Masculinity


Why do men have to hide their emotions.  I mean women have no problem speaking their minds, but when something is bothering my man, he just does not talk.  I poke and prod trying to get it out of him, and sometimes it is not even about me, yet he still does not talk.  If men would just tell us what is bothering them we could leave them alone, or try to resolve it, but not talking makes things worse, and makes it hard for us to focus on other things like our jobs, families and life in general.  Please guys, speak your mind, let it out we won't judge you or think you are any less of a man, promise.
Crazy Critters


  1. This is a difficult one, that I have not mastered, if anyone has suggestions, please share...

  2. I'm glad that you admitted that it's hard for you. If you have a female friend, sister, or a gal that you can trust, ask her to show you what it means to express your emotions, and if she would share an example with you. Obviously the gal you are talking about isn't helping you "get it".
    Or better yet, ask this other woman if she sees an emotion that you haven't opened up and expressed, ask her to point it out, whether it happens while you are chatting or if she recalls an example. If you don't have such a woman in your life, look for a guy that might be more in touch with his feelings.

  3. Yeah but when us guys do express our feelings and emotions and want to talk, then the girl says we date "like a girl" and we get walked over and dumped for being too nice of a guy, i mean really, too nice?

  4. This is true - if we express our feelings and allow that out, I have been accused of "being a girl" and I get complaints about not being enough of a man

  5. Yeah, sorry, but if we men let on we have feelings, you will lose interest in us. That's not the same as being uncommunicative - if it's about you, most of us will let you know, in plain words.

  6. Nothing bothers a man more than being poked and prodded for their feelings about things.

    And that is not how one should conduct themselves in a successful relationship ( the poking and prodding). Two people should not demand things of each other. They should be open if the other feels like sharing, but not demand it. I suspect that you demanding he shares is part of your own insecurity. Sometimes it feels like they want to just take over everything about you and run the whole show. Nobody that is healthy emotionally likes another to take away their autonomy. And nobody emotionally secure feels the need to do that to another.

    Your whole question about why a man is this way and not that way leads me to believe that you are missing the most important part of a relationship. Being accepting and open to who the other person really is. The great sage Popeye says " I am what I am." Each person deserve to be respected for just that fact. If what they truly are is not what you truly want, than end the relationship. There is no other solution. Have some integrity. Value yourself and others.

    Relationship tips:

    Be honest.
    Accept who the other person is.
    Don't be in a relationship with another person thinking they will make you something other than who you truly are.
    Don't be in a relationship with the idea that you are going to fix or change them into a better person ( really, just the one you want them to be).
    Love means paying your full attention. Full attention is not about manipulation. Just quiet observation, fully letting the other be and giving them the space to be what they are.
    Never feign affection.
    Be honest.

  7. What you say isn't always true. I used to believe women like you when they said that, and thought one thing I really wanted from a girlfriend was someone I could talk to about what was stressing me. And I don't especially have a problem doing that. But I have had negative reactions from girlfriends in the past. I've had a girlfriend confess she wished I'd just "be a man" about an issue. Another one suggested that instead of talking to her about a problem, I find a therapist. After those experiences, I do think twice about sharing my insecurities. I still do sometimes, but only after thinking about it. She may like it up to a point, but she really doesn't want you to show emotion to the same extent she does. In general, of course. I'm sure there are exceptions.

    I have found that women respond positively to one type of vulnerability: When you admit vulnerability in regard to her. If you acknowledge feeling jealous about her friendship with some guy, or really having trouble concentrating because you miss her so much, she'll love that kind of vulnerability. Or if you can get misty-eyed at a touching moment in a movie, she may dig that. But don't cry when you hurt yourself, even if she does!

  8. It's not that simple, to just express ourselves. About not being judged? I spoke my mind to an ex, letting know lately I was hearing mostly what I do wrong. So if I was invited to speak my mind, then why was the result a big red flag in the relationship, w/her telling me 'maybe what you need is someone who always says what you want to hear. I can't always be expected to say the right thing, and walk on eggshells.'


Let it out...

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