I'm married with a two year old son.
Around a year and a half ago, I became close to a female friend of mine, who is also married. This grew quickly and I fell in love with her and she fell in love with me. It kept growing and growing and got to the point that we could not see enough of each other, finding every spare moment to spend together and trying not to arouse suspicion amongst our partners.
After around 9 months this turned physical. Soon after our partners found out. By this stage I was so in love with her that I told her that I would leave my wife to be with her. She decided not to do it, saying that she couldn't live with herself breaking up my family and she believed that in the long run it would be better for me to stay with my wife.
This wasn't an easy decision for her and we made a date to end our relationship. I decided to move overseas with my wife and son as I felt like I could not set her free and set myself free if I remained close to her. I wanted her to be happy and live her life as she had planned it before I came along. We had many tearful farewells and I left.
Now I have been overseas for four months. I feel completely lost and lonely. My every thought wants to be back with her. I've tried so hard to rekindle my love for my wife, but I feel nothing for her. I want the best for her and want her to be happy but I just can't love her and give her what she needs.
She is determined to stay with me and although she has crucified and crucified me so much over being with my lover she still maintains her love for me.
The other factor is my son. He is so happy, he loves life and he loves my wife and I. It would break his heart for us to be apart. But my heart is broken, I am such a mess...every day I just have to tell myself that I'm doing this for him and have to pretend to my wife that I love her and want to be with her.
And I know back home, that my lover is dying inside too and wants me as much as I want her. She was brave and selfless to choose not to be with me. But I question every day whether it was really the right decision, and I'm sure she does too.
I feel like I can never be happy again. I feel that I have no option but to suffer in silence and be with my wife for the good of my son. But this suffering is driving me into depression and I feel helpless and feel like giving in.
I don't know what to do....please help....and please do not berate my for what has happened, just please help me build my future. I do not love my wife at at all.