Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Should I Do It All Over Again?
Now we have the chance to make amends, we have both gone through alot in our lives, he was raised by his grandmother because his mother died when he was young, and I too was raised by grandparents due to my mother and father not being able to take care of me. He seems to think that the lack of my father being in my life in a real capacity has made me seek out male attention, and that his mother dying when he was young has left him with anxiety about women leaving him. I can see the change in him, and no longer is he the angry person (has had some therapy)he used to be.
For approx. 6 days now we have been thrust together by fate, and I must say that it's been great, and the kids are so happy, but I still have this desire to be with other guys, not sure why just like the fact that I can just have "friends". He took this separation as a reason to get married, I took the chance to get out and meet some men. Well , now he is back and telling me that after all that I did to him, all the men over the past two years, that he does not care and he want to have us become a family again. Do I think he loves me? Sure without any doubt, but I'm having fun. Do I love him? I think so, just worried that I or he will have the same issues.
He has always been there for me, even after I left him for another man who by the way used me and left me for dead, it was him that was there to pick up the pieces, and when I did it again, he was right there. He loves to take care of me, will do anything for me, just don't know why. His argument is that the boys are the most important thing in the world and that is what I should concentrate on, but my family and new friends think that I should just keep doing what I am doing, that I don't need to think about having a relationship for the sake of the kids.
Do I love him- yes, I am sure of this, does he love me- unquestionably. I just can't get past what we went through. I am now finding it easy to find men, he thinks that they are just using me for sex, he says this because they only come round late at night, and a few times a week. Have to admit, none have really been interested in a commitment, but I like getting the attention. Is there anyone out there that can give my an opinion, I am really confused.