Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Lonely In LA

Queen, Please help!
Okay I am stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I am currently married but here in LA alone. I had to move out here for work and the wife and kid had to stay at home because she has another kid from a previous relationship and her and the father share 50% custody. It is broken down by week so it makes it really hard and impossible for her or my son to ever be here with me. We have paid 7k for a lawyer and nothing came out of it, all the judge said if it aint broke don't try to fix it.

Since I have been out here it gets very lonely and depressing since I feel so alone. I need that physical, sexual, and emotional feeling here. I have been a good boy since I have been here but day by day it gets harder and harder. I am at the point that if an opportunity came around I am not sure if I could hold back.

I do love my wife and I know many of you are going to tell me I should have thought about the situation before I got into a relationship with her but I didn't. I hate the fact that my son is stuck in the middle of my selfishness and this is exactly what my father did to me. I am happy with her but yet this situation is a lot harder then what I thought it was going to be like. I do go home at least once a month if not more, but when I see her its like that feeling of not seeing someone in a long time, like she isn't really there.

When I am here in LA I just drive around after work because I can't stand going home to an empty apartment. I try to get out as much as I can just so I can over come this feeling. I am just needing any suggestions or ideas that you might have. One thing I failed to leave out is that I am in a contracted job and I still have three more years left on my contract so I know there will be no way of quitting and moving back. Well I appreciate your time and input.


  1. I'm so sorry you're in such a position. LA is a tough city to move into, at first. If you're able to boost up activities that keep you from being in your apartment, try a few.

    The YMCA is affordable and fun. Lots of after work socialization there. Also, there are groups that gather at random for weekend hikes and nature walks. (Poke around Facebook for LA events/activities) If you have a lonely weekend, try volunteering, just for one day: http://www.laworks.com/HomePage/index.php/home.html

    As far as the relationship, that will unfold. I can relate a little, since I did a year-long stint. In the meantime, take care of you. Find things that enrich your current life and well-being. Talk to your doctor, too. Wishing you the best! -Westie

  2. Why is it that your wife can't spend time w/you? Can't she give her ex custody for a few months? If he loves his kid he should be willing to do that... Or is the arrangement between your wife and him an arrangement of convenience for him?
    She can work out a plan where she gives him full custody X amt. of months and she can fly back to see her child on weekends or he can fly the kid out to L.A. at your expense.. To me that would be the logical thing to do.
    And though u are tempted, it sounds as if the absence of wife /the relationship is not enough.. I had a long distance and it fizzled due to his drinking issue and money issue... I was committed ... Has your wife hinted or is there signs that she may have strayed? or are these feelings u are having all yours alone?

  3. As for your relationship--it sounds like you love your wife, but there is an element of uncertainty in the tone of your letter. You and your wife took vows. I understand you are feeling isolated and lonely, but seeking comfort from a stranger is not the solution; it's not fair to your marriage, your family, etc. Have you tried talking with her about your feelings...about her distant attitude when you are home?

    It sounds like there is something else going on here. I wish you the best of luck moving forward. Talking is the first step.

  4. All I hear is you love your wife and you're frustrated with how this situation is right now. I know lonely, but don't know lonely as someone who is married. I can't imagine. I don't have anything insightful to say except thank you for sharing.

  5. Go gay! OK I'm guessing you are not gonna. But most of my partners didn't mind me spending time with the oposite of whatever sex they were. That's the advantage of being bi for ya. Then again I'm saying all this because I used to have a wife and she was studying in PA when I was in California. I was 19 so I could go crazy and don't feel much guilt cos I was stupid. Didn't go that way. I could blame strip clubs that I was a regular at but no even those ladies were innocent. I failed miserably. She barely forgave after 7 years.

    I am engaged to a man now. My best friend of 10 years. He doesn't mind me having a little fun with woman (yet he never even suggested a threesome) and I just can't do it. If you feel lonely who you need is your partner noone else. I'm not helping you, am I! Sorry.

    I feel your pain. Can you join some kinda group, activity thing? May be an outdoors sport team/club something? Even paintball? Get your aggression out and have fun.

    Do you have videochat-dates? May be order in or cook the same meal and eat with your wife. Dress up and buy her flowers, just put them where she can enjoy the view... Too girly? May be she would appreciate it. And a different kinda date with your son. But three years is a long time. I'll say win the lottery and fly back and forth ;)

  6. Wow...I have no advice. I can only offer sympathy...

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