Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Lonely In LA
Okay I am stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I am currently married but here in LA alone. I had to move out here for work and the wife and kid had to stay at home because she has another kid from a previous relationship and her and the father share 50% custody. It is broken down by week so it makes it really hard and impossible for her or my son to ever be here with me. We have paid 7k for a lawyer and nothing came out of it, all the judge said if it aint broke don't try to fix it.
Since I have been out here it gets very lonely and depressing since I feel so alone. I need that physical, sexual, and emotional feeling here. I have been a good boy since I have been here but day by day it gets harder and harder. I am at the point that if an opportunity came around I am not sure if I could hold back.
I do love my wife and I know many of you are going to tell me I should have thought about the situation before I got into a relationship with her but I didn't. I hate the fact that my son is stuck in the middle of my selfishness and this is exactly what my father did to me. I am happy with her but yet this situation is a lot harder then what I thought it was going to be like. I do go home at least once a month if not more, but when I see her its like that feeling of not seeing someone in a long time, like she isn't really there.
When I am here in LA I just drive around after work because I can't stand going home to an empty apartment. I try to get out as much as I can just so I can over come this feeling. I am just needing any suggestions or ideas that you might have. One thing I failed to leave out is that I am in a contracted job and I still have three more years left on my contract so I know there will be no way of quitting and moving back. Well I appreciate your time and input.