I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years now. We moved in together about 6 months ago. I knew when I moved in that he didn't have the best relationship with his mother due to some financial issues. She basically had him cosign on something a few years ago, then stopped making payments (without telling him) and he began getting harassing phone calls demanding money, etc.
She told him numerous times she would fix it but never did and he ended up having to clean up her mess. He has loaned her money since then but it never comes without a fight. I'm slowly beginning to learn that this guy loves the drama. He doesn't set boundaries with her and cannot talk to her for long without yelling, name calling, etc. He spends a lot of time with his brothers, ages 12 and 14, and is always going on about their mom and the ways she has screwed him over.
Going over there for dinner has become very unpleasant. My boyfriend fights with his mom over the pettiest things and the boys have become much more disrespectful. He thinks they're just 'at that age' but I personally don't think that behavior is appropriate at any age. I've tried to talk to him about this, but even though he tells me he loves me and wants to settle down with me, he tells me to 'stay out of it' when it comes to his family. I'm disgusted and am seriously considering leaving. He says he loves me and is very nice to me (mostly) but I worry that he will one day treat me the way he's treating his family. Thoughts? Advice?
A man's relationship is not going to change with his mother for ANY other woman regardless of how much he loves her, if the man doesn't think there's anything wrong with his MOM/SON relationship. Think to yourself if this is an issue you want to deal with for the next 40 years. Answer that question, and you'll know what to do. -J
ReplyDeleteSorry but Julianna is right-I have tried to fix my mans relationship with his mom-we got very close and then me and the man got in a fight and she poked her nose into it-they have not spoken since-he was mad because she took my side-so in the end-I just made everything worse! Keep out of it-but be careful as if he cannot respect his own mother-how will he respect the mother of his children?
ReplyDeleteA man's relationship with his mother is a very telling one. If you can't love the one who gave you life and treat her with the respect she deserves thats usually a huge red flag. He should love his mother above pretty much any woman...and if he can treat her that way I promise he will have no problem treating you that way. Also, if he sees nothing wrong with the way his brothers talk to their mother...he'd probably have no problem with your potential children talking to you like that. This shows (since you think it is wrong of them to speak like this) a difference of opinion in how to raise children (another warning sign in a relationship). I say it's time to move on, especially if he treats you well only most of the time. Every woman deserves to be treated well all of the time, and there IS somebody out there ready and willing to do that...but you have to ditch the bad one before they can find you.
ReplyDeleteGood luck,
Jewels
Head for the door! The whole thing sounds toxic!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry this is happening to you! Just writing to say I support the advice above.
ReplyDeleteWho is the most important person in the post above? You are! One can't change others. Set firm boundaries. Save yourself!!
Oh, you know the answer. You said it yourself in there.
ReplyDeleteThat relationship WILL NEVER change. And the sick thing is the mother is using her son for her companionship needs, so that she is not lonely.
That is just so wrong. SO VERY SELFISH AND WRONG.