Oblivious of a Cougar On The Prowl

So over my two weeks off, me and the man had a wedding to go to.  Praise the lord that one of his friends finally tied the knot, and gave us both an excuse to go get some much needed nice clothes and pictures of everyone all dolled up.  What I did not know is that since the wife to be hates all of her husbands friends and family, that we would be seated all together in the back (woo woo table 7).  So of course there were mostly familiar faces, but there were also the cast aways, the lepers, and the cougars at our table.

After a long night of eating and drinking, we were all at the social stage of the event when my hubby starts talking to this older blonde gal.  After a little bit of listening in, I discover it is a friend of ours mom, and they all used to drink at her house when she was out of town.  After a few laughs I thought surely this conversation was drawing to a close, but boy I was wrong.  Forty five minutes later and a few sly glares across the table, I got up and went for a smoke... by myself.

He came down a few minutes later like all WTF, why didn't you invite me blah blah blah, looking like a deer just escaped from a light factory and I am like well you were too busy chatting it up with that cougar.  He replies cougar, she not a cougar she like 50.  Well duh, lets take a second to define a cougar, better yet lets just have the East Coast Beach Wife do it for us.  So you see, she was definitely a cougar!

The woman would not leave him alone.  She follows him down and comes out for a smoke like two seconds after him, just enough time for him to know that I am obviously choked.  However, it kept going, until I started glaring at her a few times.  Then she moved on... to a friend of ours!

We are all back at the table and she is chatting up our friend.  We go out for yet another smoke (yeah I know I smoke too much when I drink) and my man goes, can you go save him, she wont leave him alone.

Ohhhhh who ever could you mean?  I thought you said that she was not a cougar, and just chatting friendly with everyone.  Yeah everyone with balls!  So I do the good deed and go ask him to join us outside.  We get out to the hallway and he goes, thank you so much-you saved my life.  Hahahahha well cougars do kill their prey I guess.  So now it is on.  Mr. Clueless bold faced lied that he did not think she was hitting on him, when clearly she was.  I can only imagine if the roles were reversed and some old Magnum PI looking guy came over and chatted me up...  what do you call a man cougar?  A Lion.... anyways I am sure there would have been blood!