Thursday, July 22, 2010

Who's Your Daddy?


Okay so my man is great and all, but sometimes he acts more like my dad more then my man friend ( I hate calling him my husband, because 'if he liked it then he should of put a ring on it').  I would say almost every second day I will get home from work and he will say 'can I show you something'.  I immediately know he is going to tell me I did something wrong or lecture me about one thing or another.  Yesterday, it was 'can I show you something', and I am all like oh effin no, here it goes.  "I just wanted to show you how I like the dishwasher to be packed".  Are you effin serious.  You want to show me-the WOMAN how to pack the effin dishwasher.  So he goes on to tell me that I have been putting the bowls in the wrong spot, and the cutlery has to be pointing up and blah blah effin blah! 

The day before it was-'hey can I show you something so that you can remember to not do it anymore"  and what I wanted to say was sure, and secretly make him blind in his sleep so he could not effin SHOW me anything again, but instead I said sure hunny buns.  "Well you know when you make coffee in the morning, well the spoon collects the coffee and it stains it, even after you put it in the dishwasher, so you could rinse the spoon before it goes in, and that way there will be no stain".

So WTF.  Are you my dad or my man?  Since when did men get to tell women about cleaning. I am not a clean freak, but I have never had a problem with the dishwasher, the spoons, nothing.  I just do not get it, I already have a dad, I do not need another one.  It is always something, here is a few others, just to give you an idea of what I go through after a long hard day at the office.

"Whats for dinner?" - Well you have been home all effin day, why don't you tell me daddy!

"Dont dry my shirts"-Okay well don't put my black sweaters in with white towels, until you learn this I will continue to dry your effin shirts!

"I want you to dust everything, so that if I run my finger across a surface there is nothing on it"-Okay why don't we dip your head in acid so you lose all your hair and we can call you Mr effin Clean.

"You see this here, that is gross- no one ever cleans it"-Well my friends don't have dicks so I am sure they are not spraying piss on the walls!

I will tell you more later I am sure, this rant will never end, unless he goes blind... hmmm I may be on to something here!

8 comments:

  1. Sweetie, I'm in Minnesota... not to far at all!! We'll have to meet half way ;-) I'll buy the first three rounds!!

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  2. I'm a firm believer the rule should be, if you clean it, no one tells you what you did wrong or how you should do it.

    And rule #2: If "no one ever cleans it" and it bothers you that no one ever cleans it, then clean it up, you jerk. Obviously it doesn't bother me or I would have cleaned it. That's what I do when something's dirty and it bothers me. I clean it. It's what you should do too. Otherwise, stfu. Judgmental, controlling Jerk.

    Ahem. Can you tell these were some of the issues that drove me to leave my ex? Well, they are. Thanks for the catharsis!

    P.S. So loved your comment today. Seriously LOL over here!

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  3. @Jen, it is sad but I had to look on a map to find Minnesota, not far at all, eff I wish I was a goat or a donkey or some shit cause then I could just gallop on over. First three rounds, wow you rock, we are going to need a goat to get home, hmmm I wonder how much a goat is?

    @paws if you do that comment thing, I would just die, you would need a vacuum to deflate my head though ! muah to you all!

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  4. hahahha my friends dont have dicks-you are funny, this is epic

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  5. welcome to the world of men, painful creatures lol, i feel they need to do this it makes them feel like they have power so they still know they are a man! well if i chop your balls off will you fel like a man then???
    i could go on all day about men and how they infuriate me but then at the same time i cant live without them!!
    grrrrrrr

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  6. Is he older than you?
    Seriously, my bf is and he's ALWAYS telling me what to do and also correcting me all the time if I get the slightest thing wrong... And one time he texted me just to remind me to turn the clocks back haha.

    I think men like to be in charge cos it makes them feel powerful or something, but most of the time they have to do that by making you look small.

    So my advice is, all the little things he does that piss you off? Well, just be like "hey, there's something I want to show you" and see how HE likes it!

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  7. This guy sounds like a momma's boy who's had his mom do everything for him just the way he liked. And now that he has a girlfriend he wants you to do the same. Instead of being appreciative that you do anything for him he's telling you ways you can improve your 'good will' so everything will be just like when momma did.

    My boyfriend used to do this. Then I just stopped doing things altogether for him. He got the message. lol.

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  8. Maybe your man is trying to teach you how to live like a civilized human being instead of a friggin animal. Instead of whining and bitching about having to do a little extra work you should just do it and be thankful that he doesn't spend all of his time at titty bars and football games.

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Let it out...

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