Public Nudity

Queen,
So me and my man and a friend go to the lake over the weekend. You know everything is going great until all of a sudden this chick rolls up in her floaty with two other guys. I do a double take because her bathing suit looks strange and to my surprise, she does not have a bathing suit top on! Yeah that's right boobs hung for the world to see! When she gets out of the water I notice her bottoms are quite strange as well, they are literally a string. I thought that string bikinis were only something you saw in Europe, but apparently not.

Now I am all for public nudity. I mean it does not float my boat, but if you want to get your jugs some sun out on the lake and your not bothering anyone then go right ahead. But when you pull up on shore where there are children running around, and my boyfriend you begin to piss a girl off! Part of me wanted to grab her by the boobs and fling her back into the water, but the bitch was so damn fake nice that I could not do it. Shes all like hi yall, great day heheheheh... this is no time for small talk hunny, so go put a effin shirt on.

So then she goes up to my man and is all having a convo with him, like they are besties are something. I am glaring at my man like WTF??

So this couple beside me who I bonded with are totally making fun of her with me, looking around going what the hell is going on here. We were all in such shock and awww we did not know what to do.

So I have had one to many beers at this point and naked girl and her buddies look like they are taking the trail somewhere so I am like lets steal her floaties. I thought we were like the coolest cats on the beach for taking her floaties so I am braggin all the way home, and my boyfriend goes.. oh she gave those to me by the way! Oh effin really... so you and naked chick are best friends now, sharing floaties and whatever the hell else over there in the bushes! Thanks a lot asshole!

Now how do you think he would of felt if I was chillin in the bushes with some guy with his cock out??

(Sorry I am not usually this much of a potty mouth- just choked that's all!)

Tuning Him Out

Queen of the Rant,

So me and my boyfriend and a friend of ours are driving home from work yesterday and my man keeps asking me questions, some of them he had to ask twice because I simply was not listening.  I can tell he is getting a little miffed that he keeps having to ask me and say my name, and finally he says to his friend, she does not listen to me as you can see.  So I reply, I am sorry but sometime I just tune you out.  Well that was it, he went crazy, it obviously made him mad, but I was just being honest. I mean when you are around men as much as I am you tend to just not listen after a while.  I hear pieces of the conversation like boobs this, and beer that, but honestly if the conversation is not intriguing or does not involve me I simply tune it out.  It is from years of listening to some of the stupidest conversations in the world- the man conversation.  They never talk about anything serious, and nothing with emotion so truthfully it is quite boring.  So whats the big deal you have to ask me twice, whoopie- do you know how many effin times I have had to ask you a question to get a response out of you while you are playing video games or watching UFC?  Having a conversation with a man is like pulling teeth!  Not to mention I just got off work and my mind is still half there and half asleep, so leave me alone and go back to your useless conversation about boobs and beer.

Pimply Faced College Guys or Boobalicious Waitress?

So I am at the pub last night for some delicious crab legs which are super cheap on Thursdays, and when my waitress comes to deliver the food its like blam BOOBS!, right there in front of me, I could see almost everything.  I am a girl, and straight and I must confess I could not help but stare, ironic if you read the visitors rant about wandering eyes below, sorry hun!

So there is this table beside us, they look like five kids that are not old enough to be there and have had wayyy to much to drink.  Pimply faced college kids that are finally of age.  I can hear them from across the room, commenting on her endowments and such, and at first she is tolerating it.  I did not know if I was on her side because quite frankly she was kind of asking for it.  But women's lib is women's lib, so I stuck by my fellow woman.

By the end of the dinner these guys are out of control, so I ask her, how do you do it.  She jokes it off, but I told her that is why I could not waitress.  If I had guys in there like that I would have put a laxative or six in that jug a beer, that would send them packing!  What do you think, whose fault is it?

Wandering Eyes

Queen of the Rant, I need to rant about this guy I have been dating for the last six months.  He has always done this, and I thought I hinted that I did not like it, but he still does it and tries to play it off like its a joke now, but it is far from funny to me.  We go out for dinner and he checks all the women out.  I can tell he is a boob guy because he is constantly starring at women's breasts.  Everywhere we go, whether it is out for dinner or grocery shopping.  I can see his eyes wander right their in front of me.  He has no shame in starring.  However, he does not gawk like that at mine???  Not that I really would like him to, but why does he stare at everyone else's.  I mean even fugly women he will check out.  He says he is just  a looky lou, but I don't believe that!