Friday, January 4, 2013

What More Can A Chick Do To Spice Things Up?


I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year, and the affection was very much there. After his inguinal hernia surgery (I supported him emotionally, physically, and financially). After that, I read a message about him meeting up with an old flame using my car. Claims he never went, but no proof, so have no idea. Since then, things started to diminish (to now non-existing). This has been an ongoing issue. Every day, I sit on the chase on one side, and he sits on the couch. No effort on his part to initiate anything more than dinner. Tried the damsel in distress saying I was cold while he had the covers. . . this dame got her own cover after it was ignored. I have tried talking to him, but that turns into him shutting down and me feeling worse. Tried positive reinforcement. Initiating it, you ask? I try to lay on him, but there's always an excuse to get up, or he "gets too uncomfortable easily".

There are only three pop kisses a day at the most: Goodbye, Goodnight, "Random" after I pick him up from work. Yes, you read right, I take him to work and wait an hour to pick him back up. We joke around about us being like Zack and Miri because I wake him up and we ride everywhere. Only time the kisses are open mouth/in any romantic gestures are in the morning when he goes to exit my car, and I am not a morning person.

This lack of affection is really affecting our biweekly sex life (during the afternoon on a Sunday in the living room). Never get kissed for that either. Well, it affects me anyway. If he doesn't ring the bell, he then tells me to finish it myself and he zones out to the TV if I do so. There have been attempts to spice things up, but that didn't get things going. He lost interest within minutes of me dressing up like a cop. Our night at a hotel didn't even involve cuddling. Got rejected when trying to wake him up enough to want to fool around. Only hot day we had was when he used syrup in the kitchen. Tried to rekindle that, but that never gets very far.

So, when is there decent interaction? All I pretty much get is the flirty/picking on each other type in the car or in a store. As soon as we get home, it all stops and we just sit on the furniture until bed. You would think that would encourage some intimacy. We are full size people on two separate full size mattresses (we thought we bought a queen on Craigslist, but we got screwed over). We can both fit on a full size, but with him being over six feet and 360+ lbs, it does not give him much space to sprawl out without me being scared to stretch and fall off.

He claims that he wants to be more affectionate/sexual, but at this point, they are just words coming out of his mouth. I try to accept it, but he sees the disappointed look in my face constantly. I have even taken a brief break in the relationship due to this issue. I am 28 and he is 31, why are we acting like this?

What more can a chick do?


  1. Usually this is a problem for men not women, so what you have is a little strange. My first thought was he must be gay, but that just does not explain it completely either as he had no problem sexing you up before. You are quite young to be experiencing this as well. That makes me think it is something embarrassing for him, ED perhaps. Erectile disfunction can effect young men. Perhaps you could try and talk to him about this, but proceed gently. It explains the suddeness of his change of heart in intimate situations.
    I would try to arouse him - think back as well about his performance leading up to this situation.

    Sometimes it is medical, sometimes psychological, and you both will need to try and figure it out together. Try and be supportive, even though it is hard!

    1. If it were my marriage, I would be so happy in love and satisfied. Im a giver and love sex...all of it often. My wife is not at all. I can only wish and

  2. Fuck all that...I only wish my wife was like that. We have plain sex twice a week. There is no other touching, kissing, oral...nothing! Its sex just to do the deed and frustrating. I am a very sexual person and have been looking at other women recently just to imagine what it would be like. Its so wrong. In fact there have been times where she busted me. I told her to then allow me to love you and enjoy all of you. Her resonse is null and void..refuses to do anything more. In fact, one night I just put my hand down there and she jumped up and said..dont fuckin touch me. WTF? Our sex ended right there that night. Since then its only quick sex, no communication and good night o silence. Why the fuck would I not be inclined to want other women and look. She doesnt get it when I make the marriage yiu have.
    What can I do? I love my wife and we have 3 kids..married 12 years.


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