Halloween Poll & Relationship Rant PLAYLIST-Song 10

I hope you all had a greaaattt weekend, and that this Monday is treating you well. 

I had a good weekend, and got my yard looking acceptable for all the trick or treators that will be trotting up and down my street at the end of the month.

FYI-I love Halloween, perhaps because I love seeing all the kiddies dressed up and begging for the sweet stuff!  Last year I got a group of 6 princesses all of which were between the ages of 1-4, soooo cute.  This year I am going to try and dress my puppies up, put the scary music on and try to rope a few more in.

When I lived on a very busy street I would not get any kids, so I would go as far as standing outside my gate putting a trail of candy leading to my house, even that did not work, but maybe they thought my tactic was strange enough to warrant a potential poisoning??? 

Anyways, I love Halloween, and I think it is because I never got a chance to do it when I was young, well not until I was about 9, but by then the damage was done.  So I do my best to get everyone in the spirit, and I give anyone who comes to my door at least ten candies each... yes I spoil them in a hope that they will remember me and come back year after year, and tell all of their friends about my generosity.

Just curious though... what do you all do to attract or distract children from your house on Halloween???

Anywho, it is playlist time y'all, and I have a special song for you, that hopefully many of you have never heard.  If you have never heard of Sia, then check her stuff out, it is fabulous-the whole CD, and her newest one too.

Lonely In LA

Queen, Please help!
Okay I am stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I am currently married but here in LA alone. I had to move out here for work and the wife and kid had to stay at home because she has another kid from a previous relationship and her and the father share 50% custody. It is broken down by week so it makes it really hard and impossible for her or my son to ever be here with me. We have paid 7k for a lawyer and nothing came out of it, all the judge said if it aint broke don't try to fix it.

Since I have been out here it gets very lonely and depressing since I feel so alone. I need that physical, sexual, and emotional feeling here. I have been a good boy since I have been here but day by day it gets harder and harder. I am at the point that if an opportunity came around I am not sure if I could hold back.

I do love my wife and I know many of you are going to tell me I should have thought about the situation before I got into a relationship with her but I didn't. I hate the fact that my son is stuck in the middle of my selfishness and this is exactly what my father did to me. I am happy with her but yet this situation is a lot harder then what I thought it was going to be like. I do go home at least once a month if not more, but when I see her its like that feeling of not seeing someone in a long time, like she isn't really there.

When I am here in LA I just drive around after work because I can't stand going home to an empty apartment. I try to get out as much as I can just so I can over come this feeling. I am just needing any suggestions or ideas that you might have. One thing I failed to leave out is that I am in a contracted job and I still have three more years left on my contract so I know there will be no way of quitting and moving back. Well I appreciate your time and input.

A Letter To My Soon To Be Ex-Wife

Queen,

I wrote this to my ex, and I would like to get some feedback from your readers if at all possible.

Dear Future Ex-Wife,

I love you and I am going to miss you.

I can't live without sex.

The sex is infrequent. And it is hurried. Oral sex is off the table. In fact, your breasts have been off the table for 2 years now. Once a month is ridiculous. And when I ask for it, it is pity sex, which is the worst.

The rejection I constantly receive is humiliating. It used to make me feel as if I was ugly, or unworthy of being loved. Then I realized that I am actually in amazing shape, and I am in better shape then when we were married. And I am a decent human being, who provides for his family, is a great dad, gets you gifts and pays attention. I wish to have some warmth, even a hug, from someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I am sick of being made out that I am an over demanding freak.

Being tired doesn't cut it. I'm the one doing the laundry, making lunches, picking up all the slack for everything in the house. I'm tired, and I'm really tired of all the excuses. And I was never tired of you, or listening to you, until now.

Sometimes, I would even just love a hug, and a passionate kiss. And you are unable or unwilling to do so.

I have discussed it with you. I have been more than attentive. And where you have asked me to improve myself, I have. You just happen to not want to change anything.

I can't spend the rest of my life hoping that one day you will love me, be physically warm, or interested in me sexually. It's not reasonable to think that at the age of 65, you will finally turn around...why would anyone wait that long for someone who is so uncaring.

I am sure there is one woman who will love me for me, and will not hesitate to show me. I honestly thought it was you. That is why I married you, why I hug you, why I go to work, why I listen to how your day was, what you are interested in doing.

So now I am saving my money so I can get a bachelor apt for myself, and mentally preparing for everything I need to give up.

I am ok to start all over again. Others have done it, and I am so fed up, I am not going to even argue about any of the possessions.

I am going to miss seeing our son. I will continue to provide support for him. But honestly, you are so vindictive that you will turn him against me, and I really just want him to grow up strong and healthy, so I am not going to bother fighting with you. Just do the best that you can, and please, keep in mind our son should have a positive image of both of us. For my own emotional stability, I can't be around you.

In about 2 months our life is going to change dramatically. And to me, I can't wait. I really just want someone to love. And that is an adventure I really wish to take.

My one regret is not having done this sooner.

Take care.

To Have Children-Or Not To Have Childre-That Is The Question

If you have been around my blog for awhile it will come as no surprise that I am effin crazy, really want to have children one day.  I mean I am in no rush, I am 26, and I would really like to have one at least by the time I hit 30.  Next March me and the man will have been together for 6 years and still no children.  In fact if you read my array of rants you will see that I indeed REALLY want to have children.

I do not want to have children by some accident, and in fact I don't really need a man to have a child, I am perfectly fine with picking my sperm baby right out of a binder.  A few people I know that have done this have beautiful children, and to top it off they got to pick the man (from a picture) including his appearance, how much money he makes, whether he went to school or not and many other little interesting things.  However, I would prefer if a man wanted to have children with me, and my man in the past has told me that he does.  He makes certain excuses as to why he cannot right now or why he is scared to have another child, but he has never said he did not want children. Despite the fact that he has never told me he does not want them, I have always had this inkling that he does not want them, and so does my mother!

A little background information, he has a child and an ex, not wife, but an ex, and she is a real piece of work.  I think that she has majorly scarred him form having more children, just because of all the shit she has caused and still causes almost on a weekly basis.  If I were him I would not want to have any kids in fear that after birth I may turn into this horrible monster of a woman who will rip the life from his very soul, just like she has, but I have been clear with him since day one that I am not like that and if you do not want to be with me then I can gladly take care of my child by myself.  You see I firmly believe if a man does not want to help you raise your child then do not force him to, it will only lead to future disasters, and I never want my child to ever think that they were not good enough or not loved, eff that!

My man is a great father, there are a few things I disagree with but that is natural as the child is not mine, and if he was I would perhaps pipe up a bit more when I disagree with something he does.  It is mostly that he spoils him, but I think he does it because of how horribly she treats her son, so its like he tries to make up for it by spoiling the shit out of him.  I admire my man for sticking by this as most men would have run away years ago.  Despite the many obstacles his ex puts in his way, he always perseveres.

Over the weekend we had a few people over for a BBQ and I was chatting with this gal who had a 14 month baby.  She just adored her and we shot the shit about parenting and such.  She asked if I had kids and I said no, but he has a son.  Then the man pipes up and they start chatting and all of a sudden I heard the words that tore my heart in two- I am going to have anymore kids.

That was Saturday, and it has been eating me up since I heard it slip from his tongue.  I feel like a piece of me has been taken or lied to.  Led to believe that I was going to be a mother soon, only to find out that it would not be with him.  On the bright side, I now have a lead in to that dreadful 'talk' that we must have now.  No more lingering of intentions that can be misconceived or misinterpreted.  No more time can be wasted.  If he says no he does not want children I think I have to leave.  I mean it sounds selfish, but I cannot compromise on this.  Many other things I could, but not this.

So my wonderful readers, followers and commenter's, please tell me what you think I should do.  What should I say, and if I do not get the answer I want-do I leave?

PS-My apologies for not posting my Relationship Rant Playlist Song 3 yesterday, but this post just made me want to share it with you now, and how appropriately titled is it for this post.  Enjoy!

I Have Never Heard My Mom Cry

I have never heard my mom cry until a couple of days ago.  My mom and I are not super close, she lives on the other side of the country and as I get older we seem to talk less and less.  For the last month or so I have been talking to her almost every week.  She is thinking about coming back to BC and she has had me doing some investigating of jobs in her field.

You see my mom and I have some history.  She was an alcoholic until ten years ago, so me and my brothers grew up with her, then with foster parents and then with my dad.  She has done some horrible things to us as kids and I do not care to discuss these things, but after ten years of sobriety she has never once apologized or acknowledged her mistakes, until two days ago.

I know she wants what is best for me, I mean I know that now.  It started off as just a little rant to her that I am getting really annoyed at my man and the way he talks to me.  You know just peeves that I have even told all of you.  Well she blew up.  She said it is unacceptable and controlling of him to do and say these things, and that I am a grown woman and I do not need to be told how to pack the dishwasher.  I could not imagine if I had told her more...

After her own rant-I could hear her crying, not like a whaling cry or anything-just a whimper- the kind when you do not want to cry but you just cannot stop it from happening.  I did it too- cause you can't cry at work right?

She said she blames herself for why I cannot be more assertive in my relationship.  She says it is her fault for me not standing up for myself to him.  I told her I am assertive in most other areas of my life, just not so much when it comes to my relationship- and I mean that is not entirely true.  I have the balls to say when I disagree, I just do not get the results I want.  Maybe I am stupid for trying-I should not be trying to change a man, but I am not asking for a life altering change-just some respect, appreciation, and to be spoken to like an adult with dignity and love. Not like a five year old that did not rinse her dish before putting it in the dishwasher.  Not to be told everytime you do something wrong-that it is wrong-and there is a better way to do it-his way.

My mom told me that after five years of being with my man-I have nothing to show for it, and she was right.  I do not have kids, I am not married, I do not have a house or even a nice car.  I have nothing. 

Ever since that talk with my mom I feel like a failure.  Part of me thinks she is right, and part of me thinks she is wrong.  She said that if I still have nothing that I want by the time I am 28 I need to leave.  That I should set timelines and goals, and tell him these things.  To be assertive, and not take his crap. 

You see this is why I do not talk to my friends and family about this stuff-because I get judged and told that I am wrong-just like what my man does.  Why does everyone keep telling me I am wrong -am I wrong? 

Some days I could care less about what I want, but when me and the man are in a rut like this-it weighs on me heavily.  Hearing my mom cry made me think I am wrong-that this must be a bigger issue than I even thought it was- if she is going to blame herself for all my wrongness.  Who is wrong-is anyone wrong?  I cannot very well give the man an ultimatum like if you do not give me kids I am gone, that is a nasty situation, but I think I am reasonable enough to be able to demand respect and if I do not get it do I leave?

I know my mom wants what is best for me, but she also cannot protect me from all of life's little dilemmas.  She cannot get me respect from him, and she is not really here to know if I am happy or not.  I mean all you tell people is the bad, not when everything is going great, then you talk about how your work is going badly.  As humans we are more likely to talk about the bad then the good, so I do not want her or you all to think my life is filled with disrespect and grief-I just tend to share that stuff more often then when I got a back rub or told how beautiful I am-which is less often then when I get told that I am wrong... I am going crazy folks, your help is greatly appreciated.

No Love For His Son... No Love For Me?

Queen of the rant,
I am in love with a man that has a child that he doesn't see. He is a wonderful guy in every way. He states he doesn't see the child because the mother just wanted a baby and does not want anything to do with him now. She won't even accept money because she does not want him to have visitation rights. He has done nothing in court or otherwise to stand up for his rights. They broke up because she was very controlling. He has seen the child once but that is all.  He is from the Philippines and maybe the mother thinks he might take off with the boy. He is now 18 months old. What do you think? I say how can he love me when he does this to his own child. Why wouldn't he fight to see his son?  If he won't fight for his son, what makes me think he will fight for me?  What kind of father will he be to my child one day?  I do not know if he is worth pursuing anymore, but I love him!  Any advice you have would be appreciated.

Calorie Counting Children- Continued

Queen,
So I thought you may want to know where I am at with this crazy baby mama drama.  Well, I emailed her, despite my husband asking me not to contact her, and now I realize why he does not bother confronting her about so many things, because she does not know how to listen.

Now I will admit the email was not as polite as it could be, but in no way was I intending to insult her.  Now I just want to email her and tell her that she is a horrible mother and her son hates her.  However, being the bigger person, I will simply remain silent, which I think pisses her off even more.  What makes me mad is that all I was trying to do was open her eyes, and told her not to put so much pressure on her son.  She did not address anything in my email, but rather she went off about a million other topics, and did not answer any of my questions.  I know I made her mad, BTW we went back and forth a couple of times, our anger increasing as the number of emails did.

So my main argument was this...
What I believe is going on here is that you yourself have a problem with your self-esteem, and believe that you have a problem with your weight.  And until you are happy with who you are inside and out, you will continue to inflict this unnecessary pain on your child. 

And she replied...

You crossed a definitive boundry when you claimed to know anything about my personal beliefs or struggles.

OUCH.
Then she sends me all these links to websites that say that obese children are at risk of all these ailments, well he is NOT obese, and and tom dick or harry could of wrote that, especially when you look at the websites policy and it tells you that they can not be held liable for any content on this website and the damn thing is filled with advertising!  Stress can cause those same health problems, so lay off the kid.  I HATE HER, and I do not hate a lot of people, but this women is crazy.  She uses all these big words like they scare me and then has the nerve to tell me to get educated, when I have a BA and she did not even graduate high school.  I guess I will have to wait for this to blow up in her face to get my point across, the problem is that the only person that suffers is the boy.  KARMA is a B&T%H, and I do not doubt it will bite her in the A$$ one of these days!

Calorie Counting Children?

Queen,
My ex husbands baby mama is coo coo.  She is constantly trying to cause problems, and her most recent bull crap is that she believes their son is overweight, obese to be exact. She calls him fat and tells him not to eat so much.  She says we feed him too much and that is why he is overweight, despite the fact we only have him on the weekends and special occasions.  She says she does not let him eat any sugar, fats, dyes, etc.  I would say we are healthy eaters and we are vegetarian, we do not just gorge out on crap all day, but the occasional treat never hurt anyone.  However, the kid says she feeds him processed ham and ice cream, WHAT A HYPOCRITE.  Now I am not the smartest person in the world, but I can tell when someone is fat, and when they are not.  Yeah the kid is big for 11, but not for being 5'4.  He is a growing boy, and he likes to eat.  Now the thing is that she is overweight, borderline obese I would say and has been her whole life.  It is like she is trying to live through him and protect him from the same problem by having him diet and count calories.  So we give him the occasional slurpee and pizza pop, who cares, he is a kid, and if we don't give it to him he will just go find it at his friends houses.  Then when he is 18 and has never had an ounce of sugar he will move out and eat slurpees and pizza pops everyday 365 day a year!  Everything is good in moderation, except hearing from her, I would be thrilled if I never had to see or hear her again.  Your son is going to resent you, he already does, and maybe calling him fat is not the best way to motivate him you fat B$#@&.  Sorry just had to get that off my chest...

Follow my blog so you never miss a rant!

Some Friend You Are

My friend came across your site and told me that I have to contribute to try and ease the pain, and indulge in this as my moment.  You see this guy I am seeing, and share two children with seemed promising at the beginning, but his actions turned to more then words, and now he has jeopardized our relationship.  A friend of mine who is sad and desperate came onto him.  He said he resisted the temptation, but this girl is rancid aka, she F&*#$ED more then her share of guys.

In some sort of dramatized moment my man went to see her and they had an affair.  I knew as soon as he came home as he seemed quiet and distant.  They had some plan to take me out and talk about what happened, in some sense I want to leave him and find a real man.

I'm Your Wife Not A Porn Star

Dear Queen,

I am so tired of married men complaining about how we do not 'put out' as much after we are married.  Maybe if you guys gave us a little romance once and a while we would be more inclined to 'put out'.  I mean just because we are married does not mean you do not have to smoooze us anymore.  Surprise me, romance me, make me feel sexy, not all the time but every once and a while would be nice.  I mean I am your wife not some porn star that you can screw and then roll over and go to bed.  I do my share of fulfilling your 'desires' so why am I not inclined to receive the same in return?  Sometimes I just want to know that you know I am there, it feels like I could be anybody and you would not even notice!  Baby puke and my mummy tummy do not exactly make me feel sexy or desirable so you could help me with this, but instead you just complain, thanks.

Crazy Ex Wives

Dear Queen,

I am sure I am not alone here when I say I HATE CRAZY EX-WIVES.  I love my boyfriend to death, but he has a child with this crazy woman who does not give a $&#@ about her child.  She just uses him to get money and then does not spend it on the kid nor does she spend any time with him, she wont even feed him and tells him that he is fat, when she is the one that is clearly over weight!  Instead she goes on lavish trips and buys new cars.  I do not remember the last time we went on a trip and our car is from the late 80's.  She tells everyone he does not pay child support when he does, and I know that for a fact.  She will randomly call the police on him for nothing if she does not get her way.  She has even told me that she dresses him poorly so that people feel sorry for her, and give her hand outs.  I just hope his son knows that his dad loves him and that his mom is a psycho.  She should be lucky her son has a dad, because many men would just have denied it and took off.  I know she is a scam artist, and would love to bust her for it, but I know it would just hurt his son in the long run.  Props to all the people who have to deal with crazy ex's.

Your Invited-Sorry No Singles Allowed

Dear Queen of the Rant,

I am so sick of married couples with kids not inviting me to their kids birthday party's.  I mean I got invited to the first birthday for several of them, but I am not invited to them anymore.  I know I do not have kids, do you have to rub it in?  Since when did being single mean you were not allowed to go to a darn child's birthday. You think they would want the extra gift!  If that's the case, perhaps when it comes to my birthday, no couples are allowed! I mean the party's are not all that luxurious with screaming children everywhere for them to be excluding people, I did not know being single made you this unpopular.  The worst thing is that they try to hide the fact that they are having a party, and when someone brings it up they look like they just robbed a bank or something, this feels like high school all over again.