What I Am Thankful For...

Happy Friday all-and if you are Canadian like me-have Happy Thanksgiving and have a great long weekend.

To celebrate this holiday, I am going to attempt to tell you a few things I am thankful for...

I am thankful for...

My man-who through our ups and downs still makes my heart beat....

My family-who even though they are crazy at times-I love them unconditionally....

My dogs-because without you my world would be so boring, and my bed would be.... comfortable and hairless???

Having a roof over my head, food in my fridge and clothes on back which makes me better off then 75% of the world.

My friends... who some are suffering and some are happy and we have eachother through all of it-that includes you my fellow bloggers.

My job, because even though it is not my life long dream to do what I do-I feel appreciated for doing it.

My TV shows because you make my life feel way more interesting then it really is.

Wine-because even just a glass of you makes me feel better after a bad day.

Video games-because you numb my mind when it needs to be numbed.

My music-because you can make me feel every single emotion when I listen to you.


NOW-its your turn folks... what are you thankful for and my lovely American readers, feel free to contribute.

MUAH!

-Queen

QUEEN PEEVES

Wow, what an exciting week eh?  I made some new friends, I got some awards, blog life is good.  I am so happy I got to share a few blogs that I enjoy reading, and I love this cycle of blog awards as I get to find out who they pass them onto and in the end what blogs they recommend.  This is great not because of the fame-well maybe a little-but more because of the new prospectives and advice I gain from new readers and followers.  So to my new followers-welcome-now get to work lol.

Anyways since it is Friday before a long weekend I am not going to depress you with relationship problems, but rather just give you a chance to release some tension (not in that way you sicko) by sharing your peeves with me.

I will go first!

My man mumbles-it drives me mad.  Half the time I cannot even hear what he says and the other half I think I hear it, but I cannot make it out, so I assume I heard one thing and then he will be like I just told you I wanted the wrench.  Oh sorry hun, I thought you said go sit on the bench.

At first I thought it was me, so I cleaned the ears and did a self hearing test, nope all good in those departments.  Now after over five years-I am not the only one that says to him-speak up-pronounciate your words- we talk to him like English is his second language lol.

He even admits he is a mumblin man.  However, it is a problem especially when in certain situations, like driving, go right he will say and then I will be like- no I am okay-and he will be like no go right here, and I am like oh I thought you asked if I wanted a bite, by then we are the freakin highway passing our destination, and I suddenly have an urge for pizza.

So whats your peeve?  I am sure your loved ones aggravate you with some little folly... do share!

I Have Never Heard My Mom Cry

I have never heard my mom cry until a couple of days ago.  My mom and I are not super close, she lives on the other side of the country and as I get older we seem to talk less and less.  For the last month or so I have been talking to her almost every week.  She is thinking about coming back to BC and she has had me doing some investigating of jobs in her field.

You see my mom and I have some history.  She was an alcoholic until ten years ago, so me and my brothers grew up with her, then with foster parents and then with my dad.  She has done some horrible things to us as kids and I do not care to discuss these things, but after ten years of sobriety she has never once apologized or acknowledged her mistakes, until two days ago.

I know she wants what is best for me, I mean I know that now.  It started off as just a little rant to her that I am getting really annoyed at my man and the way he talks to me.  You know just peeves that I have even told all of you.  Well she blew up.  She said it is unacceptable and controlling of him to do and say these things, and that I am a grown woman and I do not need to be told how to pack the dishwasher.  I could not imagine if I had told her more...

After her own rant-I could hear her crying, not like a whaling cry or anything-just a whimper- the kind when you do not want to cry but you just cannot stop it from happening.  I did it too- cause you can't cry at work right?

She said she blames herself for why I cannot be more assertive in my relationship.  She says it is her fault for me not standing up for myself to him.  I told her I am assertive in most other areas of my life, just not so much when it comes to my relationship- and I mean that is not entirely true.  I have the balls to say when I disagree, I just do not get the results I want.  Maybe I am stupid for trying-I should not be trying to change a man, but I am not asking for a life altering change-just some respect, appreciation, and to be spoken to like an adult with dignity and love. Not like a five year old that did not rinse her dish before putting it in the dishwasher.  Not to be told everytime you do something wrong-that it is wrong-and there is a better way to do it-his way.

My mom told me that after five years of being with my man-I have nothing to show for it, and she was right.  I do not have kids, I am not married, I do not have a house or even a nice car.  I have nothing. 

Ever since that talk with my mom I feel like a failure.  Part of me thinks she is right, and part of me thinks she is wrong.  She said that if I still have nothing that I want by the time I am 28 I need to leave.  That I should set timelines and goals, and tell him these things.  To be assertive, and not take his crap. 

You see this is why I do not talk to my friends and family about this stuff-because I get judged and told that I am wrong-just like what my man does.  Why does everyone keep telling me I am wrong -am I wrong? 

Some days I could care less about what I want, but when me and the man are in a rut like this-it weighs on me heavily.  Hearing my mom cry made me think I am wrong-that this must be a bigger issue than I even thought it was- if she is going to blame herself for all my wrongness.  Who is wrong-is anyone wrong?  I cannot very well give the man an ultimatum like if you do not give me kids I am gone, that is a nasty situation, but I think I am reasonable enough to be able to demand respect and if I do not get it do I leave?

I know my mom wants what is best for me, but she also cannot protect me from all of life's little dilemmas.  She cannot get me respect from him, and she is not really here to know if I am happy or not.  I mean all you tell people is the bad, not when everything is going great, then you talk about how your work is going badly.  As humans we are more likely to talk about the bad then the good, so I do not want her or you all to think my life is filled with disrespect and grief-I just tend to share that stuff more often then when I got a back rub or told how beautiful I am-which is less often then when I get told that I am wrong... I am going crazy folks, your help is greatly appreciated.

Who's Your Daddy?

Okay so my man is great and all, but sometimes he acts more like my dad more then my man friend ( I hate calling him my husband, because 'if he liked it then he should of put a ring on it').  I would say almost every second day I will get home from work and he will say 'can I show you something'.  I immediately know he is going to tell me I did something wrong or lecture me about one thing or another.  Yesterday, it was 'can I show you something', and I am all like oh effin no, here it goes.  "I just wanted to show you how I like the dishwasher to be packed".  Are you effin serious.  You want to show me-the WOMAN how to pack the effin dishwasher.  So he goes on to tell me that I have been putting the bowls in the wrong spot, and the cutlery has to be pointing up and blah blah effin blah! 

The day before it was-'hey can I show you something so that you can remember to not do it anymore"  and what I wanted to say was sure, and secretly make him blind in his sleep so he could not effin SHOW me anything again, but instead I said sure hunny buns.  "Well you know when you make coffee in the morning, well the spoon collects the coffee and it stains it, even after you put it in the dishwasher, so you could rinse the spoon before it goes in, and that way there will be no stain".

So WTF.  Are you my dad or my man?  Since when did men get to tell women about cleaning. I am not a clean freak, but I have never had a problem with the dishwasher, the spoons, nothing.  I just do not get it, I already have a dad, I do not need another one.  It is always something, here is a few others, just to give you an idea of what I go through after a long hard day at the office.

"Whats for dinner?" - Well you have been home all effin day, why don't you tell me daddy!

"Dont dry my shirts"-Okay well don't put my black sweaters in with white towels, until you learn this I will continue to dry your effin shirts!

"I want you to dust everything, so that if I run my finger across a surface there is nothing on it"-Okay why don't we dip your head in acid so you lose all your hair and we can call you Mr effin Clean.

"You see this here, that is gross- no one ever cleans it"-Well my friends don't have dicks so I am sure they are not spraying piss on the walls!

I will tell you more later I am sure, this rant will never end, unless he goes blind... hmmm I may be on to something here!

You Married The Guy You Cheated On Me With!

Queen,
So we got together some years ago; after one date you asked me to be yours.
I was nervous since we only knew each other for four weeks but I decided to take a leap of faith
You said I was lucky to have you because my ex had cheated on me and you said you would never do that to me.
I was your first for a lot of things, which I felt special to be. You supported my decision to do what I wanted to for me.
Never before had I felt like I truly was lucky, to be with someone like you, who really loved me.
We had very little in common, which was funny. Different music, culture, food, and race. All of that didn't matter - we both seemed happy together.
A part of me felt something was wrong...I ignored it thinking it was me paranoid about nothing.
I am offered a job in another state...maybe it was wrong, but I felt like I had to leave you behind.
I wanted to be an asshole so I treated you like crap as I kicked you out of my life so I can take the job.
I drive home full of regret and drive back to you hoping you'd forgive me for what I had done.
You seemed to have forgiven me, but I knew I had lost your trust.
However, I hoped that you would learn to trust me again.
I start to work really hard at work and in school, trying to create a life that would be good for us both.
I end up working too much and schooling as well, sometimes going days without talking to you.
You tell me about your "friends" you have and I know they were guys. However, I turn the other cheek
because you told me you would never cheat on me because you didn't even want to blow these guys.
I let you live your life not wanting to be controlling feeling like I had to give more to you so I can be forgiven.
One day months later, its more quiet than usual after you told me the night before how much we need
to go to a theme park and spend time together. The day that things flipped upside down and spun out of
control, I felt like something was ripped apart inside me. You told me you didn't want to be with me any longer and not giving me a straight answer and making me wonder. You tell me to hang on because you still wanted me in your life one way or another. I blamed myself thinking this was 110% my fault, and try to show you that I really loved you and still called you my girlfriend. Months go by and I drive myself nuts trying to win you back and found out there was another. I get fed up with competing and confront you both causing a scene, but funny I'm hearing the other didn't know about me. I find out more info that really was interesting...you were banging him on the day we were celebrating my birthday. Through others in your circle of friends and family, I found
out you were banging half of So Cali! One guy, two guys at once, even three guys in a two hour space.
Sending the kiddies upstairs while you did the deed in your family's house bathroom, were you smoking weed?
Sure you admit only after it was all said and done - I already found out so what was there to lose? The guy I was competing with. The guy I really hated. The guy who said he had no clue about me, later do I realize there was a hole in the story. He was porking you from the very beginning of the time you started to cheat.
Obviously it was a cover story so I wouldn't beat the snot out of him.
He acts like he wants nothing to do with you. Later after I walk away, you say that I should have learned to be more patient...whatever that means.
Three years later I happen to see you were still working at the place in the building I was hired for a job at.
I see you, but I'm pretty sure you didn't see me - I decide to not work at the place cause I didn't want to see your face.
Now forward to today, I see you have the surname of the guy that told me the final months of our relationship was really a lie. Amazing how things turn out despite the pain you caused, I really hope you don't do what you shouldn't have been doing. Cheating on me, while your family was asleep.
And of course, a part of me will always wonder - could things have been different?
Maybe in another lifetime...
Although if you were to come up to me and wanted to start over, I would say no way because I don't love you and never could again. What am I feeling? Maybe territorial - should have been me? Maybe a hurt ego? I wasn't good enough so you became a slut meeting random guys. Maybe disgust? Innocence you showed... that was it, it was only a show. Maybe stupid? Yeah that, too!
For the last four years, I have been with another - one that has been not only loving but likes for me to keep tabs on her cause it shows I love her.
Now I am about ready to control my destiny further and buy myself a huge house, my father a car.
Alls
All that bling you always liked to see on those rap videos on MTV.
You wanted to visit your family in Southeast Asia, can you imagine what this latin guy could do - could have flown us both just to make you smile.
Miss me yet?!
Man I feel better!

The Man Cold

So I don't know about the rest of you gals out there, but when I am sick I am really sick.  If I am not completely and utterly sick then I carry on with my life as usual.  I go to work, I cook, clean, exercise, smoke my cigarettes and enjoy my glass of wine, along with all of life's other joys.  However, when I am really sick, I just want to put myself out of this misery and go back to bed.

But for some reason my husband expects me to stick toilet paper up my nose, drink some tea and get on with it.  I get no sympathy.  There is laundry to fold, dinner to be made, and he has some heavy duty video games to play--  A$$.  I could be sicker then a dog and one minute he will tell me to relax, and the next he is complaining about the house being a mess and how he has had to do evvverrything (insert whiny tone here).  On the other hand when he is sick it is the end of the freakin world.  I call it the man cold!  You know when men are sick, they expect us to do everything for them, while the snivel and cough on the couch.  When I am sick I unpack the dishwasher, I make my own tea, I do it all, but when he is sick, its over.  All I hear is I am so sick, I don't want to do anything.  But when I am sick all I get is complaints about how he has so much to do.

So this morning when I woke up and my throat felt like I ate a weed wacker for breakfast, I immediately wished I was a man so I could call the boss tell her I ain't coming, and sit down on the couch where I could watch wonderful daytime TV, but I am sorry Ellen, Day's, Oprah and all my day time TV friends, I am not a man, so I have work to do.

Tuning Him Out

Queen of the Rant,

So me and my boyfriend and a friend of ours are driving home from work yesterday and my man keeps asking me questions, some of them he had to ask twice because I simply was not listening.  I can tell he is getting a little miffed that he keeps having to ask me and say my name, and finally he says to his friend, she does not listen to me as you can see.  So I reply, I am sorry but sometime I just tune you out.  Well that was it, he went crazy, it obviously made him mad, but I was just being honest. I mean when you are around men as much as I am you tend to just not listen after a while.  I hear pieces of the conversation like boobs this, and beer that, but honestly if the conversation is not intriguing or does not involve me I simply tune it out.  It is from years of listening to some of the stupidest conversations in the world- the man conversation.  They never talk about anything serious, and nothing with emotion so truthfully it is quite boring.  So whats the big deal you have to ask me twice, whoopie- do you know how many effin times I have had to ask you a question to get a response out of you while you are playing video games or watching UFC?  Having a conversation with a man is like pulling teeth!  Not to mention I just got off work and my mind is still half there and half asleep, so leave me alone and go back to your useless conversation about boobs and beer.

Some Friend You Are

My friend came across your site and told me that I have to contribute to try and ease the pain, and indulge in this as my moment.  You see this guy I am seeing, and share two children with seemed promising at the beginning, but his actions turned to more then words, and now he has jeopardized our relationship.  A friend of mine who is sad and desperate came onto him.  He said he resisted the temptation, but this girl is rancid aka, she F&*#$ED more then her share of guys.

In some sort of dramatized moment my man went to see her and they had an affair.  I knew as soon as he came home as he seemed quiet and distant.  They had some plan to take me out and talk about what happened, in some sense I want to leave him and find a real man.

Nothing but Negativity

Queen,

My man is in a slump right now in his life, and I guess he is not where he thought he would be in his life right now.  He is always saying, I hate my life, and I hate hearing him say that.  I immediately think it is me that has caused him to think like this, even though I am probably the best thing in his life right now!  His negativity is wearing onto me, and it puts me in a bad mood.  There are plenty of people on this world that have it way worse then him, why cant he see the good aspects of his life, and if it is all that bad then change it.  It sure as hell is not going to get any better if you keep saying how much you hate it!

Can Talk the Talk

Dear Queen,
My husband is lazy!  He talks the talk, but does not walk the walk.  All I hear is how he is going to do this and that, but I never see it get done.  It is getting to the point where I just bank on the fact it wont get done, but it drives me because I keep hearing how he is going to do this and wants to do that.  Just shut up and do it already... otherwise be quiet already.