The BF and The TP

OMG guys this is a doosy, be careful there is explicit language, and I can almost hear this woman's teeth grinding... I am scared... very scared!  Read on if you dare.


Queen,

Ok, here goes...we live together, and have a for quite a few years now...*mostly* happily, but this relationship is not without it's fair share of problems.

First, he's a slob, regarding clutter, and I'm fucking fed up with it.
The cleaner I am, the sloppier he is. Fucker can't even change the roll of T.P. in our bathroom because he says he's "too busy". This is a universal man problem I know. What is with you guys that you can't take LITERALLY 30 seconds to change the fucking roll of T.P.?

Ok, I admit, I am an anally retentive neat freak of the highest order! I long for my single days, living alone. When I lived alone, my apartment was IMMACULATE at all times of the day or night. I LOVED coming home with no cleaning to do. Perfect cleanliness and order everyday! This shit actually makes me fucking HAPPY!! The only clutter I had was my ass on my clean couch! I could invite any random man I wanted over, to my CLEAN place, have the sex I wanted and needed without all this damn headache of having to clean up after a man!

I had a patio with beautiful plants and flowers, there was no dust. My bed was always neatly made, no water spots on my sink or mirrors, no junk drawers full of crap, my closets were organized, no dirty dishes in my sink ever existed. I clean up after myself. It's not hard. Things stay clean when you ARE CLEAN! People who live like slobs, baffle me. How can anyone live like that????? Isn't it embarrassing????? It is a reflection on YOU. If your home is dirty and sloppy, that is what people will think and believe of you! I can't count how many people, friends invite me over, and always I enjoy great company....but if their house stinks, I am secretly disgusted!!!!!!!

Now, my patio is filled with power tools, boxes of his garbage, from one end to the other, cement to ceiling, with not a clean spot out there. If I clean it up, the crap MAGICALLY appears there the next fucking day, and I have to start over.

I feel like that old 70's T.V. show now..."Sanford & Son". Might as well be the local trash dump. It's embarrassing to me when we have guests. We look like white trash in a trailer park with all his fucking crap. If I ask him to clean his crap, he'll politely say he'll "get around to it" while he parks his ass, on my couch playing video games. This fuck of a bf is 46 yrs. old, and I am 41. If I wanted a kid, I would have one, but I remain happily childless for a reason. I want a man, not a child who can't clean up after himself. I want a partner, not a fucking sloppy child playing video games 24/7 This shit alone makes me want to dump him. I figure dumping him would be like taking out the trash. I can have my "clutter free" life back.

I'd like to say that the sex is FANTASTIC, and it is...when we have it. I never met a man in my life before him who was a prude in bed. He's a prude. a FRIGID fucking prude! I want sex all the time, he is happy with only "once a month". Nope, he's not gay. If he was, he wouldn't be such a slob. At least gay men are neat about their shit...I'll give them that!!!

It's not like he's not attracted to me anymore either. Oh, he is....and my man is too lazy and too pussy to even cheat on me if he was unsatisfied. What a big ass pussy, and I've lost all respect for him because of this reason. He don't even own his own ball-sack!

My man is also a SUCKER. He has SUCKER written all over his forehead, and it's pathetic! Last night some drugged out, young man came to our door. If you saw this guys eyeballs, they were bloodshot and dilated. He BEGGED my bf for money at our door "shaking" like he was going through withdrawals, and needed his "fix". He told my bf it was for a magazine subscription. My stupid bf was ready to hand over his entire wallet to this druggie kid when I stepped in and stopped it. I asked this kid to show proof, i.d "anything".... He had none. I politely told him to try another place, as we have no money to give..(lie) and my bf got IRATE!!!

Could you believe this started a fight?!
My bf said I was a bitch, because I was looking out for him, and didn't want to see his SUCKER-ASS get ripped by a drug addled kid who was scamming him. Sometimes I think I am smarter than him. Sometimes I KNOW I AM, and last night was one of those times!

We went to bed in silence. He snored, and farted in bed...fucking "lovely". I moved my ass to the couch....at least it didn't stink like farts there, and I could sleep in peace without all the damn snoring. When I woke up, I had to nail the roof back on, his snoring and farting was sooooo bad! DISGUSTING!

lot's of hot sex, has needs, etc., and if I can't have a "grown-up man" who is my "intellectual equal", fun to be with, conversate with, whom can make me laugh, who is not a "sucker" or a "pussy", who has more ambition in this life to do anything else but play video games at the age of 46, has BALLS, *MAJOR BALLS* than I'll be happy to grow old and alone single!!!!! I can have and do have "plenty" of toys to do this job, it's just gets old without intelligent conversation and someone to enjoy a good home-cooked meal, and outing, a road trip, with or even breakfast!!!

Yeah...I might just dump this man, go back to being single, have my shit in order the way I like, and hell....adopt 5 cats, so SUE ME!!!! Cats are cleaner than men anyway. At least they shit cleanly....in a box, bury their turds and well, only have to change the damn litter!

Having 5 cats sure seem better than having a "sloppy man" who can't take care of himself, and isn't into much sex anyway!!!!
Sometimes, this whole scenario looks better than growing old with some slob of a man, who sucks in bed, sucks out my whole life-blood, and my happiness, and can't change the god-damned roll of T.P.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rant over!

Begging To Be Caught

Queen,
I am single and dating a man who is living with another woman. I met him while traveling for work at a client site. In a nutshell, that's the background-he is cheating.

Before he left for work the other day, he asked me if he can have my underwear??? I mean, I thought that was a weird request. But I was like, “um, okay”. He said he misses me so much that he wanted something of mine. I suggested taking my fuckin’ luggage too, that way I don’t have to pack lol. He insisted he only wanted my (used) underwear and thanked me for the offer of my luggage.

Anyway, I guess he brought my underwear home and he said he tucked it in the back of his closet – where it has resided for …a long time. About a month ago, his girlfriend asked him to pick up the dry cleaning. He said it was a weird request because he has only picked it up once before during their entire relationship. He gets to the dry cleaners and at the very front of all the dry cleaning was that pair of underwear. He thought he was so slick by just throwing it out – I told him she is sending you a message…The message being SHE KNOWS YOU ARE FUCKING AROUND!!!

Don’t you think his girlfriend knows and was sending him a message? Bringing home my underwear? He is begging to be caught!!

I Am A Virgin

Queen,

I'm a 25 year old female virgin. Completely by choice, I've had plenty of opportunities and a few boyfriends who have wanted to take it there. I've come close, but am definitely still a virgin. I've recently been told by some friends of mine that essentially "I'm too old to be a virgin" and "missed that boat" and that they didn't want to see me end up alone and have "my best interest in mind".

Needless to say, the people who are telling me I'm "behind" are not virgins, and mostly all of them have been male (if that makes any difference, I don’t know). Also, I'm not waiting for any real religious reason. I simply have followed my own moral code and am slow with sexuality stuff. It makes me pretty anxious in general. And I'm worried now because my "friends" are telling me now that I'll never find a guy who will be patient enough to put up with waiting so long.

So my question is: does anybody know ANY guys out there who would be cool or even prefer dating virgins at 25 or older (who are not necessarily Christian or religious)? I've never met a guy, or maybe it's just the people I know telling me this too...

I have people telling me to "just do it", "get it over with" But I honestly never had a problem with my virginity until people started making a big deal about it.

And now, I just feel really "not normal" or like a "freak" because I have not had sex yet. I just never saw why it's such a big deal to almost everybody, except me it seems.

I have a boyfriend now, and every time I start to get close to somebody, I get scared, and my relationships can't seem go farther than like 2 months because either I am unconsciously "sabotaging" my relationship or because I'm scared to take it to that 4th base so to speak or my boyfriend will leave me because he is sick of waiting.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Am I over thinking the whole thing?  Is everyone else right? How do I know if my boyfriend is the right one?

I Have Never Heard My Mom Cry

I have never heard my mom cry until a couple of days ago.  My mom and I are not super close, she lives on the other side of the country and as I get older we seem to talk less and less.  For the last month or so I have been talking to her almost every week.  She is thinking about coming back to BC and she has had me doing some investigating of jobs in her field.

You see my mom and I have some history.  She was an alcoholic until ten years ago, so me and my brothers grew up with her, then with foster parents and then with my dad.  She has done some horrible things to us as kids and I do not care to discuss these things, but after ten years of sobriety she has never once apologized or acknowledged her mistakes, until two days ago.

I know she wants what is best for me, I mean I know that now.  It started off as just a little rant to her that I am getting really annoyed at my man and the way he talks to me.  You know just peeves that I have even told all of you.  Well she blew up.  She said it is unacceptable and controlling of him to do and say these things, and that I am a grown woman and I do not need to be told how to pack the dishwasher.  I could not imagine if I had told her more...

After her own rant-I could hear her crying, not like a whaling cry or anything-just a whimper- the kind when you do not want to cry but you just cannot stop it from happening.  I did it too- cause you can't cry at work right?

She said she blames herself for why I cannot be more assertive in my relationship.  She says it is her fault for me not standing up for myself to him.  I told her I am assertive in most other areas of my life, just not so much when it comes to my relationship- and I mean that is not entirely true.  I have the balls to say when I disagree, I just do not get the results I want.  Maybe I am stupid for trying-I should not be trying to change a man, but I am not asking for a life altering change-just some respect, appreciation, and to be spoken to like an adult with dignity and love. Not like a five year old that did not rinse her dish before putting it in the dishwasher.  Not to be told everytime you do something wrong-that it is wrong-and there is a better way to do it-his way.

My mom told me that after five years of being with my man-I have nothing to show for it, and she was right.  I do not have kids, I am not married, I do not have a house or even a nice car.  I have nothing. 

Ever since that talk with my mom I feel like a failure.  Part of me thinks she is right, and part of me thinks she is wrong.  She said that if I still have nothing that I want by the time I am 28 I need to leave.  That I should set timelines and goals, and tell him these things.  To be assertive, and not take his crap. 

You see this is why I do not talk to my friends and family about this stuff-because I get judged and told that I am wrong-just like what my man does.  Why does everyone keep telling me I am wrong -am I wrong? 

Some days I could care less about what I want, but when me and the man are in a rut like this-it weighs on me heavily.  Hearing my mom cry made me think I am wrong-that this must be a bigger issue than I even thought it was- if she is going to blame herself for all my wrongness.  Who is wrong-is anyone wrong?  I cannot very well give the man an ultimatum like if you do not give me kids I am gone, that is a nasty situation, but I think I am reasonable enough to be able to demand respect and if I do not get it do I leave?

I know my mom wants what is best for me, but she also cannot protect me from all of life's little dilemmas.  She cannot get me respect from him, and she is not really here to know if I am happy or not.  I mean all you tell people is the bad, not when everything is going great, then you talk about how your work is going badly.  As humans we are more likely to talk about the bad then the good, so I do not want her or you all to think my life is filled with disrespect and grief-I just tend to share that stuff more often then when I got a back rub or told how beautiful I am-which is less often then when I get told that I am wrong... I am going crazy folks, your help is greatly appreciated.

Men & Their Mothers

Queen,
I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years now. We moved in together about 6 months ago. I knew when I moved in that he didn't have the best relationship with his mother due to some financial issues. She basically had him cosign on something a few years ago, then stopped making payments (without telling him) and he began getting harassing phone calls demanding money, etc.

She told him numerous times she would fix it but never did and he ended up having to clean up her mess. He has loaned her money since then but it never comes without a fight. I'm slowly beginning to learn that this guy loves the drama. He doesn't set boundaries with her and cannot talk to her for long without yelling, name calling, etc. He spends a lot of time with his brothers, ages 12 and 14, and is always going on about their mom and the ways she has screwed him over.

Going over there for dinner has become very unpleasant. My boyfriend fights with his mom over the pettiest things and the boys have become much more disrespectful. He thinks they're just 'at that age' but I personally don't think that behavior is appropriate at any age. I've tried to talk to him about this, but even though he tells me he loves me and wants to settle down with me, he tells me to 'stay out of it' when it comes to his family. I'm disgusted and am seriously considering leaving. He says he loves me and is very nice to me (mostly) but I worry that he will one day treat me the way he's treating his family. Thoughts? Advice?

Women Are Illogical

Queen I need your help,

PART I. - Went to a wedding - met a girl (23yrs) at the reception dinner. Girl's date(23yrs) shows up to dinner 1.5 hrs late. When girl leaves table, date says he parties 6 nights a week without her. When guy leaves table she says her and date broke up after 2 years and are not even facebook friends. Girl, date, myself and a female family member go to various bars after wedding dinner in my vehicle. Girl dances with me all night, makes sexual comments, grabs my crotch, wears my blazer jacket, piggy backs me around bar. Leaves at end of night with date.

PART II - Girl adds my female family member to facebook next day and asks what her and I are doing that night because we are so much fun. Family member says staying home. Girl asks family member for my phone number. Girl invites me out to bar. I show up and girl brought date. Date talks to me all night like we're best friends. I leave and delete Girl's number from cell phone.

PART III - Girl blows up my phone every second day with texts and invites to go out. When confronted about the clearly unfinished business with her "date" and accusation of her being in a relationship, she does not deny it and says I can stop talking to her at anytime if I feel awkward about the situation. So I said "ok".

I continue to get texts, invites and "guilt" messages that "YOU NEVER WANT TO PARTY WITH ME!". I continue to mention - "YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND!" .
This has not seemed to resolve the issue.

WHAT THE F$%# IS GOING ON? I told her there is no way I will even look at her as long as she has a bf, I told her I will not go out to party, I will not pick her up, I am not interested. Yet she persists.

Please explain if I'm just being used a tool to make the bf jealous, or if I'm being used in some other capacity or generally what the f&%@ is going on because I'm lost.

Thanks Queen.......

My Boyfrineds Best Friend

Queen,

I think I might soon be up shits creek without a paddle with my boyfriend of 15 years.

For the record...I don't care to catch a load of crap because after all this time, we are still not married. It's by choice on both our parts and we are both perfectly happy cohabitating all these years without being married.

Moving on....

Here's the situation, (I'll try and keep it brief!)

5 years ago my boyfriend fell off the wagon and began drinking again. He's an alcoholic. He's been 100% sober for the last 5 years. I stuck by him because he's a wonderful man, sans his past issue with alcohol.

He had this best friend back then. They were as close as brothers and even worked together for the same boss. We used to hang out and bar-b-que together on weekends and we all became very close friends.

You with me so far?

Anyway, when my boyfriend fell off the wagon, he was impossible to live with. Our relationship took a bad turn due to his drinking. It got so bad, I tossed him out into the curb. I literally had no choice as I was not about to be his co-dependent gf or enable him to continue drinking. During that time 5 years ago, I was understandably distraught. His best friend tried to help him but even he too, had to chuck the friendship. My bf eventually got himself into rehab, and that's how he got sober.

My bf and I were broken up at that time because of his drinking.

One night not long after, his best friend came to see me. It started out so innocent. He brought me a bottle of wine. (neither him or I, were alcoholics)
After sever glasses and both of us getting drunk on my couch....we slept together. BOTH of us realized that this was a very, very bad mistake afterwards...shook hands as friends and parted ways.

My bf eventually sobered up, and it wasn't until he got fully sober that I allowed him to come back to our place and get back together.
My bf's friend decided when my bf fell off the wagon, they were done as friends. Now...fast forward five years later and for the first time in 5 years...this old friend of his called him and got re-hired to work with my bf again!

My worry is that my bf's friend will tell my bf that we fucked.

I'd also like to add one more thing...other than the one indiscretion 5 years ago, I have been faithful to my man of 15 years.

Do I have reason to worry? Should I talk to this said friend of his and ask him to keep quiet? I love my bf and am proud of his sobriety, If my bf finds out, he'll leave me, and I KNOW this.
What should I do if anything?

Relationship Poll

Well bloghers and bloghims, I am at last going on vacation for two whole weeks.  That means sadly you may not hear from me until August 9th, unless my vacation is boring, and I revert to blogging to pass the time. 

I know it feels like I am abandoning puppies, but I must take some time to clear my head, and come up with new amazing rants and adventures to take you all on.  I am going camping so trust me there will be oodles to rant about when I get back.

Please do not unfollow me, in fact this is a great opportunity to tell everyone you know just how wonderful this blog is!

So before I bid you adieu I want to put this poll out there for you to ponder.


What strategies have you used to get over an ex?

Also, while I am away, give me a stockpile of new rants by emailing me!
And for all you crazy people that have not started following me, you better do it right now!

My Boyfriends Best Friend

Queen,

My boyfriend actually he's my fiance', has a best female friend that has been his friend long before I came into the picture. However the only reason why they just stayed friends according to her is that he is not her type but if he was I know he would have tried to hook up with her on a relationship level. He's told me this himself which I think wasn't a good idea to tell me. Anyway I have been trying really hard to deal with their friendship especially since she assured me that they are just friends and she has no intentions on taking it any further with him. They both said they look at each other like brother and sister. Even though I'm 99% sure they are just friends and it's not sexual in any means I still get a little annoyed at how close they are.

Here's some of the things that annoy me. They are always texting and talking to each other on a daily basis. They both work for the post office and were working at the same office until she moved to another office recently so I can understand they may have work related issues to discuss but the way they talk to each other just puzzles me...There are times when they tell each other "I love you", and they call each other baby sometimes, (which he does have a habit of calling women baby in general), I know for a fact he tells her things he doesn't tell me, they say little nasty remarks to each other sometimes, they have a night where they bowl on a team together. I know they meet up for lunch some times which he doesn't tell me about, I just found this out on my own. I really don't think this is cool because when he does things behind my back I feel he's hiding something.. If they are just friends what's wrong with him telling me they have lunch sometimes!

Am I just jealous or would this bother some of you if your mate had a friendship like this. I know there could be a part of me that could just be jealous because I gave up all my male friends when I got into this committed relationship because I just feel it causes problems in the relationship when you are constantly dealing with the opposite sex and they become a priority over your mate. I also moved here solely to be with him so I have no friends here at all. So perhaps his friendship with this girl stands out more because I don't have my own friends here. I'm also the type of woman that if I do have a male friend and he gets into a committed relationship I back off a little because I wouldn't want to make his woman uncomfortable. I surely wouldn't be texting and talking to him constantly but that's just how I feel about things. Well I'm basically just ranting because I'm not going to do anything about it because other than this our relationship is fine and we get along good. I just hate to have things waying on my heart so I thought I would see what others thought. And yes I have spoken to him about this before and he tells me I have nothing to be concerned about because they are just friends and I should let it go...I'm seriously thinking of finding a male friend of my own and see how he likes it if I treat him how he treats his female friend...

Calorie Counting Children- Continued

Queen,
So I thought you may want to know where I am at with this crazy baby mama drama.  Well, I emailed her, despite my husband asking me not to contact her, and now I realize why he does not bother confronting her about so many things, because she does not know how to listen.

Now I will admit the email was not as polite as it could be, but in no way was I intending to insult her.  Now I just want to email her and tell her that she is a horrible mother and her son hates her.  However, being the bigger person, I will simply remain silent, which I think pisses her off even more.  What makes me mad is that all I was trying to do was open her eyes, and told her not to put so much pressure on her son.  She did not address anything in my email, but rather she went off about a million other topics, and did not answer any of my questions.  I know I made her mad, BTW we went back and forth a couple of times, our anger increasing as the number of emails did.

So my main argument was this...
What I believe is going on here is that you yourself have a problem with your self-esteem, and believe that you have a problem with your weight.  And until you are happy with who you are inside and out, you will continue to inflict this unnecessary pain on your child. 

And she replied...

You crossed a definitive boundry when you claimed to know anything about my personal beliefs or struggles.

OUCH.
Then she sends me all these links to websites that say that obese children are at risk of all these ailments, well he is NOT obese, and and tom dick or harry could of wrote that, especially when you look at the websites policy and it tells you that they can not be held liable for any content on this website and the damn thing is filled with advertising!  Stress can cause those same health problems, so lay off the kid.  I HATE HER, and I do not hate a lot of people, but this women is crazy.  She uses all these big words like they scare me and then has the nerve to tell me to get educated, when I have a BA and she did not even graduate high school.  I guess I will have to wait for this to blow up in her face to get my point across, the problem is that the only person that suffers is the boy.  KARMA is a B&T%H, and I do not doubt it will bite her in the A$$ one of these days!

Wandering Eyes

Queen of the Rant, I need to rant about this guy I have been dating for the last six months.  He has always done this, and I thought I hinted that I did not like it, but he still does it and tries to play it off like its a joke now, but it is far from funny to me.  We go out for dinner and he checks all the women out.  I can tell he is a boob guy because he is constantly starring at women's breasts.  Everywhere we go, whether it is out for dinner or grocery shopping.  I can see his eyes wander right their in front of me.  He has no shame in starring.  However, he does not gawk like that at mine???  Not that I really would like him to, but why does he stare at everyone else's.  I mean even fugly women he will check out.  He says he is just  a looky lou, but I don't believe that!

Nothing but Negativity

Queen,

My man is in a slump right now in his life, and I guess he is not where he thought he would be in his life right now.  He is always saying, I hate my life, and I hate hearing him say that.  I immediately think it is me that has caused him to think like this, even though I am probably the best thing in his life right now!  His negativity is wearing onto me, and it puts me in a bad mood.  There are plenty of people on this world that have it way worse then him, why cant he see the good aspects of his life, and if it is all that bad then change it.  It sure as hell is not going to get any better if you keep saying how much you hate it!

Trust or Lack There Of

Dear Queen of the Rant,
Today started off on a bad note, as some do.  However, in relationships a bad day can turn into a terrible day pretty quickly.  You see my boy friend has extreme jealousy issues, borderline crazy I would say, but I have learned to deal with it.  I understand trust is something I must earn, and I have done things to make him not trust me, but nothing as severe as cheating.  He has had these issues since before I met him, so I know it is not completely my fault, but I do not take it well. I get defensive and jump down his throat, but hey at 7:00 am in the morning if you got asked what you had been doing for the last half hour, you would too I am sure.  I mean what the heck do you think I am doing.  We are long past the days of having milk men, and I am not rich enough to afford a pool boy so where the heck do you think I was... I was doing what very many women do at 7:00 am in the morning I made some coffee had a shower, and am doing my make-up and being your alarm clock, waking your butt up.  At least I do it with a calm soothing voice unlike the way I get to wake up to a blaring beep.  Will there ever be a day that this guy trusts me, or is trying to gain this guys trust a big waste of time?