A Letter To My Soon To Be Ex-Wife

Queen,

I wrote this to my ex, and I would like to get some feedback from your readers if at all possible.

Dear Future Ex-Wife,

I love you and I am going to miss you.

I can't live without sex.

The sex is infrequent. And it is hurried. Oral sex is off the table. In fact, your breasts have been off the table for 2 years now. Once a month is ridiculous. And when I ask for it, it is pity sex, which is the worst.

The rejection I constantly receive is humiliating. It used to make me feel as if I was ugly, or unworthy of being loved. Then I realized that I am actually in amazing shape, and I am in better shape then when we were married. And I am a decent human being, who provides for his family, is a great dad, gets you gifts and pays attention. I wish to have some warmth, even a hug, from someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I am sick of being made out that I am an over demanding freak.

Being tired doesn't cut it. I'm the one doing the laundry, making lunches, picking up all the slack for everything in the house. I'm tired, and I'm really tired of all the excuses. And I was never tired of you, or listening to you, until now.

Sometimes, I would even just love a hug, and a passionate kiss. And you are unable or unwilling to do so.

I have discussed it with you. I have been more than attentive. And where you have asked me to improve myself, I have. You just happen to not want to change anything.

I can't spend the rest of my life hoping that one day you will love me, be physically warm, or interested in me sexually. It's not reasonable to think that at the age of 65, you will finally turn around...why would anyone wait that long for someone who is so uncaring.

I am sure there is one woman who will love me for me, and will not hesitate to show me. I honestly thought it was you. That is why I married you, why I hug you, why I go to work, why I listen to how your day was, what you are interested in doing.

So now I am saving my money so I can get a bachelor apt for myself, and mentally preparing for everything I need to give up.

I am ok to start all over again. Others have done it, and I am so fed up, I am not going to even argue about any of the possessions.

I am going to miss seeing our son. I will continue to provide support for him. But honestly, you are so vindictive that you will turn him against me, and I really just want him to grow up strong and healthy, so I am not going to bother fighting with you. Just do the best that you can, and please, keep in mind our son should have a positive image of both of us. For my own emotional stability, I can't be around you.

In about 2 months our life is going to change dramatically. And to me, I can't wait. I really just want someone to love. And that is an adventure I really wish to take.

My one regret is not having done this sooner.

Take care.

Do I Have A Reason To Be Worried?

All my amazing readers,  thank you for the wonderful advice- I am afraid I have given you all such a bad outlook on my relationship that we come across as unstable and hey maybe we are, but relationships are hard work, and there will be disagreements and misconceptions.  I just tend to rant about all the bad things without telling you all how great he is-and how we have an amazing time together. When it comes to having children it is just not something I can compromise on, and if he does not want them or has changed his mind over time, we just need to figure that out and move on.

Will I still love him if he does not want children-of course I will, but what that says is that we are just at different times in our lives and want different things.  I will not have regretted anything-I will have lived and learned.  What I do know is that I want to be a mother, I want the stress I want the poop and the puke.  I want to stay up all night to make sure they are okay, and I know I was meant to do this.  Not because I am a woman and I have a calling, but because it is something I really want.  I would not blame him for wasting my time, and I would not blame him for changing his mind, that is up to him.  I do not want to pressure someone into having children, and relationships do not work on ultimatums. I would prefer to part our ways over this then finding someone cheating or because we are not in love anymore...

That being said, I will share someone else's problems with you today lol, while I try to figure out my own.  You have said your piece and so have I, now it is up to me and him to figure out what the heck we want to do and what our future entails.  Love you all!

Queen,

The other night I took my wife out to dinner and a movie at Town Square. We had dinner at the Yahrd House and then after the movie went back to the bar for drinks.
So we were drinking at the bar when she got up and went to the ladies room.  I guess while she was coming back she ran into some guy she knows from her work. He's a former coworker that was her supervisor and trained her when she started there about 7 years ago.

So after a half hour of her being gone, I go looking for her and find her sitting with this guy. Ok so far no problem, you know just friends running into eachother having a quick drink getting reacquainted. Completely fine.

The first problem I have is that he never invited me to join them, in fact he acted annoyed that I was even there. I also noticed that she made no effort to include me in their conversation. They just sat at the bar talking, flirting and drinking, while I stood there with no seat just waiting and looking like an idiot.

After a couple of hours of being ignored I asked her if we could leave and she said that I could go but she wanted to stay and her friend could give her a ride. When I started to protest, the guy got all mad and said I was being a jerk about it. They exchanged their phone numbers and made plans to meet up for drinks the next night without me.

So now me and my wife aren't talking, she went to the beauty parlor today and she is going shopping with her sister for new clothes and shoes and is going out with this guy tonight without me.
She says it's all my fault because I was a jealous jerk the other night so I am not invited.

Should I go anyway or just ignore it?

Relationship Poll

Well bloghers and bloghims, I am at last going on vacation for two whole weeks.  That means sadly you may not hear from me until August 9th, unless my vacation is boring, and I revert to blogging to pass the time. 

I know it feels like I am abandoning puppies, but I must take some time to clear my head, and come up with new amazing rants and adventures to take you all on.  I am going camping so trust me there will be oodles to rant about when I get back.

Please do not unfollow me, in fact this is a great opportunity to tell everyone you know just how wonderful this blog is!

So before I bid you adieu I want to put this poll out there for you to ponder.


What strategies have you used to get over an ex?

Also, while I am away, give me a stockpile of new rants by emailing me!
And for all you crazy people that have not started following me, you better do it right now!

My Wife... The Bitch (Parental Advisory Warning-Language)

Queen, This one goes out to my wife... the bitch.

I have about had my fill of being around an unappreciative bitch day in and day out. I have had enough of seeing nothing but your back when we go to bed at night. I work my ass off 6 days a week and my reward is hearing you bitch and whine about how I don't do anything with the family. But when I AM home you have stupid shit that you have to go do, so what the fuck difference does it make whether I'm home or not? I am beginning to think that your just pissed because you want a babysitter at home so you can go do whatever it is that you want to do.

I had a very rare 3 day weekend. You had to work today so I thought I would be nice and do some extra cleaning. I scrubbed the damn shower so clean that you could eat off the floor. I washed and put away the dishes and organized our cupboards. I got on my hands and knees and used resolve powder and a brush to get out every little dirty spot in the living and dining room rug. I thawed out the pot roast and slow cooked it in the oven so that it would be nice and tender and ready when you got home. AND WHAT WAS MY THANKS? You yelled at me because you were not planning on having roast tonight!!!!

So you didn't feel like eating roast tonight. WHOOPTY FUCKIN DOO! The polite thing to do would be to say thank you but I was in the mood for this chicken that I bought at the store and then to look around to see how FUCKIN clean the house was and say something, ANYTHING positive. BUT NO....Your too much of a proud bitch to do anything like that. I tell you what, go ahead and eat that chicken you brought home with a side serving of GOFUKYOURSELF and a couple of spoonfulls of FINDSOMEOTHERSUCKER cuz I think I am done with your dumb ass. You think that your shit don't stink and that you can say or do anything that you want and I am going to take that kind of shit? I don't think so!!!!

To you and all the other wives that take their husbands or boyfriends for granted: WAKE THE FUCK UP!!! You wanna know why most married men are tempted to cheat? HERE'S YOUR FUCKING SIGN!

And to any naysayers out there; what I did today was not unusual. I help with the cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, feeding pets...etc. I show my wife affection by rubbing her feet and shoulders whenever she asks me too. I think I just might start looking around for someone who will be thankful for a guy like me. 

Please Help-Need Advice

Queen,
I'm married with a two year old son.

Around a year and a half ago, I became close to a female friend of mine, who is also married. This grew quickly and I fell in love with her and she fell in love with me. It kept growing and growing and got to the point that we could not see enough of each other, finding every spare moment to spend together and trying not to arouse suspicion amongst our partners.

After around 9 months this turned physical. Soon after our partners found out. By this stage I was so in love with her that I told her that I would leave my wife to be with her. She decided not to do it, saying that she couldn't live with herself breaking up my family and she believed that in the long run it would be better for me to stay with my wife.

This wasn't an easy decision for her and we made a date to end our relationship. I decided to move overseas with my wife and son as I felt like I could not set her free and set myself free if I remained close to her. I wanted her to be happy and live her life as she had planned it before I came along. We had many tearful farewells and I left.

Now I have been overseas for four months. I feel completely lost and lonely. My every thought wants to be back with her. I've tried so hard to rekindle my love for my wife, but I feel nothing for her. I want the best for her and want her to be happy but I just can't love her and give her what she needs.

She is determined to stay with me and although she has crucified and crucified me so much over being with my lover she still maintains her love for me.

The other factor is my son. He is so happy, he loves life and he loves my wife and I. It would break his heart for us to be apart. But my heart is broken, I am such a mess...every day I just have to tell myself that I'm doing this for him and have to pretend to my wife that I love her and want to be with her.

And I know back home, that my lover is dying inside too and wants me as much as I want her. She was brave and selfless to choose not to be with me. But I question every day whether it was really the right decision, and I'm sure she does too.

I feel like I can never be happy again. I feel that I have no option but to suffer in silence and be with my wife for the good of my son. But this suffering is driving me into depression and I feel helpless and feel like giving in.

I don't know what to do....please help....and please do not berate my for what has happened, just please help me build my future. I do not love my wife at at all.

Women & Their Weight

Queen,

Since you are a woman maybe you can help me with this.  My wife and I just had our first child four and a half months ago.  My wife put on a bit of extra weight, obviously, and I do not care one little bit.  Personally, I think it looks good on her.  However, she is beating herself up over it.  She is constantly calling herself fat, wears these over-sized clothes, and she will not get involved with me romantically.  Every single time she looks in the mirror she gets so mad, and then takes it out on me.  I tell her she is beautiful, and I even organized a night out and she refuses to go.  I do not know how to get her out of this slump.  I do not want to make a big deal out of it, or I will make things worse I think, but I do not know what else to do.  I just wish she could see what I see-- a beautiful mother of my child.  It is to the point where she will not eat anything, and then she is so tired that I am stuck with trying to take care of our son by myself.  Why do women make such a fuss over their weight.  She wanted kids, and what... she did not expect to gain weight?

Why I Love My Wife...

Is this guy not the best?

Queen,
This is a list of twenty things that my wife does that I love her for:

Constantly nags but about what I don’t know.
Remembers too many damn anniversaries.
Is never satisfied with my appearance.
Tells me I’m rude but then cuts me off in my rebuttal.
Will shop all day and then return everything the next day.
Has no concept of being on-time to anything.
Let’s me know when I’m wrong but forgets when she is.
Cannot stand cuss words except when she is using them on me.
Tells me I cannot drive but then expects me to drive where-ever we go.
Wants a fair equal relationship except with the bills.
Thinks her cooking is the best when actually mom’s is better.
Will force me to dance even without me being drunk.
Has PMS way too often.
Thinks our kids are angels when I know they are devils.
Will get mad about things that I have no idea of why.
Always sides with my mother on any issue involving me.
Accuses me of looking at other woman and then tells me that I would have no chance of getting anyone else anyhow.
Believes that “guys night out” means I am going to the Nudie bar.
Is looking to trade me in for a newer model any day now.
Gets a kick out of punishing me.

But the main reason I love my woman is that:

She puts up with all of me each and every day without poisoning my food.

Calorie Counting Children- Continued

Queen,
So I thought you may want to know where I am at with this crazy baby mama drama.  Well, I emailed her, despite my husband asking me not to contact her, and now I realize why he does not bother confronting her about so many things, because she does not know how to listen.

Now I will admit the email was not as polite as it could be, but in no way was I intending to insult her.  Now I just want to email her and tell her that she is a horrible mother and her son hates her.  However, being the bigger person, I will simply remain silent, which I think pisses her off even more.  What makes me mad is that all I was trying to do was open her eyes, and told her not to put so much pressure on her son.  She did not address anything in my email, but rather she went off about a million other topics, and did not answer any of my questions.  I know I made her mad, BTW we went back and forth a couple of times, our anger increasing as the number of emails did.

So my main argument was this...
What I believe is going on here is that you yourself have a problem with your self-esteem, and believe that you have a problem with your weight.  And until you are happy with who you are inside and out, you will continue to inflict this unnecessary pain on your child. 

And she replied...

You crossed a definitive boundry when you claimed to know anything about my personal beliefs or struggles.

OUCH.
Then she sends me all these links to websites that say that obese children are at risk of all these ailments, well he is NOT obese, and and tom dick or harry could of wrote that, especially when you look at the websites policy and it tells you that they can not be held liable for any content on this website and the damn thing is filled with advertising!  Stress can cause those same health problems, so lay off the kid.  I HATE HER, and I do not hate a lot of people, but this women is crazy.  She uses all these big words like they scare me and then has the nerve to tell me to get educated, when I have a BA and she did not even graduate high school.  I guess I will have to wait for this to blow up in her face to get my point across, the problem is that the only person that suffers is the boy.  KARMA is a B&T%H, and I do not doubt it will bite her in the A$$ one of these days!

Calorie Counting Children?

Queen,
My ex husbands baby mama is coo coo.  She is constantly trying to cause problems, and her most recent bull crap is that she believes their son is overweight, obese to be exact. She calls him fat and tells him not to eat so much.  She says we feed him too much and that is why he is overweight, despite the fact we only have him on the weekends and special occasions.  She says she does not let him eat any sugar, fats, dyes, etc.  I would say we are healthy eaters and we are vegetarian, we do not just gorge out on crap all day, but the occasional treat never hurt anyone.  However, the kid says she feeds him processed ham and ice cream, WHAT A HYPOCRITE.  Now I am not the smartest person in the world, but I can tell when someone is fat, and when they are not.  Yeah the kid is big for 11, but not for being 5'4.  He is a growing boy, and he likes to eat.  Now the thing is that she is overweight, borderline obese I would say and has been her whole life.  It is like she is trying to live through him and protect him from the same problem by having him diet and count calories.  So we give him the occasional slurpee and pizza pop, who cares, he is a kid, and if we don't give it to him he will just go find it at his friends houses.  Then when he is 18 and has never had an ounce of sugar he will move out and eat slurpees and pizza pops everyday 365 day a year!  Everything is good in moderation, except hearing from her, I would be thrilled if I never had to see or hear her again.  Your son is going to resent you, he already does, and maybe calling him fat is not the best way to motivate him you fat B$#@&.  Sorry just had to get that off my chest...

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The Day I Mooned My Ex

About a month after she and I broke up, my birthday was coming up, and she called one day and asked if I would agree to her taking me out for a drink. Now, I know full and well all about the 'no contact' deal, and I violated it, like we all have. It's not the end of the world. I let know I'd think about it, not sure right now, and feels a little weird. But within ten minutes of getting off the phone, my little plan began to transpire. I have a twisted sense of humor, definitely dry, abstract. But my humor isn't sick or evil. She could've been a jerk, but my plan isn't to instill psychological turmoil.

She had to get a lot of stuff of mine back to me. She'd been saying she'd drop them off for about 2 wks, but was resting on that. I agreed for her to take me out, asking that she bring the stuff along. To go along w/that whole 'no contact,' be assured I never initiated first contact.

We went out, I had an Irish car-bomb. We went somewhere else after, bickered about some stuff, and then she dropped me off. I was just about to get out of the car, put my hand on her shoulder or neck, can't remember, kind of like an 'ok, cool, bye' which somehow resulted in her leaning over and a quick kiss?

Anyway, I got out, loosened my belt, and MOONED HER. I glanced back to get the reaction. She was frozen. I just walked away...

I mean really, do you need to beg to them, give them one last 'reconsider' talk?

I highly recommend this. They never expect it. Forego any 12-step self help book. This is bliss. It's harmless, innocent, silly and weird, but not creepy. You're kind of getting back at them, but not in an angry, rage-driven way. You don't look like an idiot. I guarantee they'll give you respect and/or admiration. You'll walk away cool. Mooning is like saying "F you, and I don't give a F, anyway."

(btw, I'm the guy who wrote the cancer/relationship story, which also goes out to the women I've met who survived cancer, made it their be-aatch, and are total dollfaces. Some of them had total douchbags leave them.) Thank you, Queen!

Crazy Ex Wives

Dear Queen,

I am sure I am not alone here when I say I HATE CRAZY EX-WIVES.  I love my boyfriend to death, but he has a child with this crazy woman who does not give a $&#@ about her child.  She just uses him to get money and then does not spend it on the kid nor does she spend any time with him, she wont even feed him and tells him that he is fat, when she is the one that is clearly over weight!  Instead she goes on lavish trips and buys new cars.  I do not remember the last time we went on a trip and our car is from the late 80's.  She tells everyone he does not pay child support when he does, and I know that for a fact.  She will randomly call the police on him for nothing if she does not get her way.  She has even told me that she dresses him poorly so that people feel sorry for her, and give her hand outs.  I just hope his son knows that his dad loves him and that his mom is a psycho.  She should be lucky her son has a dad, because many men would just have denied it and took off.  I know she is a scam artist, and would love to bust her for it, but I know it would just hurt his son in the long run.  Props to all the people who have to deal with crazy ex's.