Wednesday, January 23, 2013

My Wife The Bitch Take 2: A Reply From the Queen

Well sir-thank you for the warning and looking out for all us females that may have been hiding under a rock our whole lives and do not know that a mans penis controls alot more then our orgasms.   Now granted any woman that does not want to have sex on their honeymoon is a little strange, but I think the issue is not where she is or if she is on a honeymoon or not, but rather then she just does not want to have sex... with you, perhaps with anyone else for that matter.

So instead of telling everyone how horrible she is because my god who would not want to have sex with a fine organism like yourself-I mean she must be fucking crazy right?

Wrong!  She is one of many women who finds it difficult to connect with her husband.  What have you done to go out of your way to make her feel loved, special or better yet... sexy?  I assume nothing because I mean you admit here that the ONLY SINGLE reason you married your wife was to get sex.

Now lets fast forward because you are very fucking long winded, but you say that you have no problem getting sex in other places, so what exactly was the point of getting married.  I mean you say yourself that she has nothing else to offer men other then her body, that you do not even enjoy her company and that she has no intellect.  So I pose that question again, why did you get married?  For sex? (Shhh... Stop laughing everyone) Are you fucking brain dead-have you ever met a married person before?  Do you hear them boasting about the amazing sex they had last night... no you do not because alot of married peoples sex lives wind down to sex a couple times a week-if they are lucky (and do not have children).

Now here is the first clue as to why your wife does not want to have sex with you.... Get ready.... BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE.  I can smell you over my computer, you are rude, and arrogant, and you sound butt fucking ugly too.  I mean who says this about their wife "Outside of willing, eager participation in sex, you are nothing but a nuisance, a liability, an annoying distraction, interrupting my otherwise constant state of serenity, and my flow of good ideas".  Again you sound like a pussy!  Have you ever said anything to your wife about this, or did you pussy foot around it like you say you did in this rant?  So instead of asking her what is wrong, and telling her how she makes you feel you just go out and put your dick in some other vagina.  Fuck.

Do not try to justify your worthless behaviour!  Do not speak to the world like you think you are some sort of force to be reckoned with, trust me you are nothing more then a bitter guy that got controlled by his wife for too long.  You never really did stand up to her.  You ran out like a scared little boy, and did not even have the balls to tell her how you feel in person.

When the tables turn-and trust me buddy-they will.  When you could not get your dick up to save your life-you will see how it feels to have someone you love leave you because of an inadequacy that you cannot even control.

How do you know your wife does not have cervical cancer which leads to a low libido?  Was she on the pill?  Same outcome.... How do you know she was not depressed?  Better yet how do you know her vagina is not depressed (yes that is a real thing).

Instead of chalking your wifes actions up to being a controlling tyrant, take a look in the mirror and at your inactions that may have caused this in the first place.  Karma is a bitch, and you just pissed her off.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

My Wife the Bitch - Take 2

Okay I had to post this, and my rebuttle will come next week because *ahem* I cannot just let him say these things without any accountability.  While I do think he makes a few good points, a lot of what he is saying is just plain BS.  Sound off below people!

Honey,  We have been married over three years now. I am filing for legal separation today. After reassessing my feelings for you, and taking a thorough inventory of our relationship, I have decided that it is time to man up, grow a set of testicles, and cut you from my life like the malignant tumor you are.As a courtesy to you, and as fair warning for all women out there, I have posted this hoping you read this letter as you are always reading these rants, and every other woman out there, knows what is coming as the wages of the described course of behavior.  Let's start with sex: We were at an amazing resort in French Polynesia on the first day of our honeymoon: over-the-water bungalows, lavish buffets, still, blue lagoons, crystal-clear to the bottom...Wow, was I blown away! Then I had this great idea..."Let's have sex!" I mean, what the hell? It was our honeymoon, after all. "I'm tired." (in your whiny tone) was your response. "Yeah, but it's our honeymoon! We're in paradise, for crying out loud, let's get it on!" "I guess I have to," was your response. Boy, did that make me randy...

The next couple of days were a study in sexual procrastination and avoidant behavior on your part. Trying to finagle sex from you had, overnight, become like pulling teeth. Suddenly there were politics involved...not like the entire year before, when you were good to go, 24/7/365.At the risk of presenting as disjointed, or lacking in continuity, let me interrupt my own letter to pose a question at this juncture: What on earth, outside of regular, willing, and adventurous sex, do you think you have to offer a man? Do you think I married you for your company?...your intellect? Do you think I find following you through Target with a shopping cart more interesting than kicking back with my male friends? Do you think you have a single insight into politics, philosophy, religion, life, sports, finance, or general trivia that has ever shed a single photon of illumination upon my perspective? You do not.

Let me be clear: there is nothing, besides the promise of regular, enjoyable sex, that I ever wanted from you...that would ever have made me consider committing to you for the rest of my life. Once sex became an unwilling labor for you, I stopped wanting even that. Men want willing sex. Rapists want unwilling sex. Outside of willing, eager participation in sex, you are nothing but a nuisance, a liability, an annoying distraction, interrupting my otherwise constant state of serenity, and my flow of good ideas.Oh, back to my story: It was day four of ten of our honeymoon when you pronounced, "I'm not expected to have sex with you every day." "Of course not," I politely answered. "But this is our honeymoon. We're on the other side of the world, in the South Pacific. People would kill to be where we are right now."

I should have noted the huge red flag waving when, some weeks before, you tried to make the case that it would be fun to take some friends along on our honeymoon, and maybe even your grandmother, and we could all hang out the whole time. "Wouldn't that be fun?" Let me answer all women on the planet here and now: Hell no! That would not, by any stretch of the imagination, be fun.It was about the same day that I realized how poor a conversationalist you were. Somehow, over the prior year, when you were screwing me six ways from Sunday, I had overlooked and/or simply rationalized the gigantic reality that you were, quite simply, stupid as a post.

Anyway, there I was, ten grand into the most potentially romantic, amorous, and otherwise amazing bonding experience ever put together; and I had as my companion a tyrant who refused to have sex...or who offered nastily, "If you want me to pretend I like it, I will." It was then, immediately, that my eye began to wander.She was the French girl who worked behind the counter at our intern from some hotel school program in France. She was a little goofy looking: big, bulgy eyes, a bit of a swayback. Still, she was kind of sexy somehow. Upon checking in, I had thought she was an atypical Frenchie, who was uncharacteristically friendly.

There, one evening, as I was exchanging some traveler's checks for the local currency while you laid on your already-becoming-lazy a$$ in the room, she asked me how my honeymoon was going. I was at a loss for words. I'm sure my facial expression told the whole story. Perceptive creature that she was, she flashed an unmistakable look, and touched my hand for much too long to be accidental. "Have you been to the spa?" she asked me. I had not. "Oh, you really must see it." She said something to her manager in French, and, in no time flat, she was kindly walking me down the darkened path to the spa. Good Lord. It was like those cheesy porn movies of old where the mailman shows up at the door to deliver a "package,", and the lady tenant's towel falls off. It was that easy. Can I just add one more ironic detail? Her name was actually Marie! How poetic is that?Let me ask you something: Did you ever even wonder why I stopped hounding you about sex on our honeymoon? I'm sure you, in your way of rationalizing things, thought that you had won; and that I had accepted your embargo. It was, in fact, simply because that need was being met elsewhere.

Two weeks into our sham of a marriage, I was getting serviced somewhere else. As unbelievable as it sounds, it was happening. I have to tell you, more pleasurable than the strange, new, clandestine sex itself, with an otherwise unremarkable woman, was the satisfaction of completely undermining your false and inflated sense of power. Let me assure you: that was just the beginning. I say "unremarkable?" Still, she was certainly one for the check list, and my how the check list has grown, and how those numbers keep moving closer to thirty.Somehow you took on this persona of a wife in control. I listened, almost laughing out loud, as you gave relationship advice to your girlfriends, colleagues and cousins over the phone. You were so confident. Had I closed my eyes, I would have thought Oprah Winfrey was waxing philosophical in the background.After the honeymoon, the drought continued. You grudgingly gave it up once a week for a while. Still, you had become rather critical. You called it "coaching me," or "teaching you what I like." Funny, you had never had a single complaint before we got married. It was all wild and free back then. In a matter of weeks, the occasional sex you were willing to give up became a chore for me, not even worth the effort, too humiliating and frustrating to bother with. Eventually, I lost all interest in you. When I did decide to give it a go, I found myself having to conjure up all sorts of visions of all sorts of illicit encounters in order to be able to perform for you.

In contrast, I was having no difficulty whatsoever outside the marriage. Eventually, I was able to use the excitement of my extramarital affairs to conjure up some grudging wood for you.Let me be clear, so that the memories can start to click back into place for you, I have tagged, slept with, and had trysts with almost every restaurant hostess with whom you have ever though I was too friendly. I have followed up on every counter girl, every book clerk, every sales assistant, masseuse and apprentice...even the parts girl at the car dealership, and, of your very own girlfriends...everyone who ever gave that knowing flash...that tacit go-ahead. I have gone back later. I have talked to them. I have closed the deal with more of them than I would ever have thought possible in my wildest dreams.

The head I have received in elevators, in dressing rooms, in staircases, in their apartments (twenty minutes, in-and-out while out running errands); the soccer moms shopping at target...the women I have encountered buying oranges at Whole Foods, or walking their dogs. I swear to you that I have had the most exciting sex of my entire life over the past three years of marriage...and none of it has ever been with you.Now you want a baby. Let me just say that if I were some outsider hearing this story; I would pronounce a complete idiot the man who would stupidly impregnate you. NO!!!, I'm getting out while the getting is good, baby and child support-free. It occurs to me that I may have to pay a year and a half of alimony. Let me say in advance that it will be worth every penny to be rid of you at last.

Women of the world, heed this advice. Heed it good; and don't you ever think that you and your magic vagina are the exception to these few very simple rules: Take care of your man. Treat him right. Shower him with love and respect, and yes, I mean take care of his physical needs...satisfy him sexually. Wear him out. If you want to guarantee fidelity in your marriage, there is a simple way to achieve that: Never let your husband leave the house with a single drop of semen remaining in his body. Trust me, if he is not dumping it at home, he is dumping it somewhere, unless he is a hopelessly unattractive, beat-down loser. When you use sex for power and control, you do damage that cannot be undone. When you withhold sex and affection from your husband you drive a wedge between you and your man. Not only that, you drive him elsewhere to get his needs met. It is that simple.

For the record, let me assure you that the world is literally brimming with women who are very happy to be a friendly port in the long, nasty storm. There are people out there who take satisfaction in undermining your hollow little conquest of controlling the sex in your marriage.Let me further assure you that there is no such thing as controlling your man sexually. The simple reality is that, if he has any game at all, and does not have a parasitic twin growing out of his forehead, the world is full of other offers. You can only control whether he is getting it at home or not. If you want to control your man, give him all the sex he wants. If you want to lose control of your man, go ahead and cut him off.Let me add a further tidbit of wisdom at no extra charge. There is an old saying: Women get married hoping everything will change, men get married hoping everything will stay the same.

Women, if, somewhere in the back of your mind, you are waiting for the day when your male partner is bound by contract, finances, and perhaps biology, so that you can cut off the sex and become a mini tyrant...don't get married. Join a convent. Work at an orphanage or a pre-school. Adopt a child on your own. Find some way to fulfill your maternal instincts that does not involve marrying under false pretenses. Your man would not have stuck around before the marriage if it were loveless and sexless. He also does not want a marriage that is sexless.
There are a million things you can do to have your child or children without suckering in some poor dope, too naive to foresee your evil plan. Are you an honorable person? Then live honorably. Do not live in breach of the spirit of the marriage contract. Trust me, the sex you were willingly giving up as a sell job before the marriage is the only commodity you have to barter that makes it worthwhile for your man to tolerate the rest of what comes with you. Don't sucker a man in, and then expect him to comply with your skewed and artificial construct of fidelity.If you breach the spirit of the marriage contract, you lose all trust and intimacy with your man. If man were to change his nature, our species would vanish in less than a hundred years. Cutting your man off is not only disrespectful, it is simply counterproductive.

The quality of your relationship, his attachment to you, his dedication and sexual fidelity, will be determined by his feelings of access, of being welcomed and embraced, of desirability. We are who we are. We are hard-wired creatures of nature. It is biological. Deal with it, or don't; but don't' do it under false pretenses.Let me further comment, for the reader' information, that, after the marriage, you, Pumpkin', stopped cooking. You stopped cleaning anything. You don't do dishes. You don't vacuum. You don't dust. You don't do laundry. You leave your dishes all over the house. You spend money like it is going out of style; and nothing ever makes you happy, except unlimited shopping. You infidelity manifests itself on a thousand fronts that are not sexual. Let me ask you something: what good are you to anyone? Good luck finding your next sucker, now that you're 31, fat, and much less attractive than before. By the way, I shall not miss your nagging, or your complaining, or your "making me a better man," as you like to call it. I shall not miss your car driving tips. I have purchased a new flat screen TV and home entertainment system that will neither nag me, not interrupt me while I'm watching the occasional game. I have also decided to splurge on a cleaning lady in my new place.

Finally, I'll have a woman who gets things done...and the price will be known and agreed upon up-front.So, stupid, narcissistic do you feel now? Do you feel powerful? Or is the helium beginning to seep from your balloon? How many of you women sitting are at your desk at this very moment are wondering if it is not your husband who wrote this letter? Do you know what's strange? I used to think infidelity was wrong. Now I think it is perfectly right and justified. If your husband is out fooling around; it's because you are not doing your job. Not only is he justified in fooling around, you have it coming. You deserve it. One breach of contract deserves another.

Men of the world, a woman who changes the terms of your sexual arrangement after marriage deserves infidelity. She plays a two-edged game...violating her implied duty as a wife, yet still holding you to the letter of your contract. It is the oldest, cheapest manipulation in the book: and, very likely, the root cause of the oldest profession in the world.The Oxford English Dictionary defines infidelity as "unfaithfulness or disloyalty to a person," among other things. Let me redefine it for you. Fidelity is living and being, on a daily basis, contract or no contract, the person you have represented yourself to be. In business contracts, we use the term "good faith" a lot to describe the expectation that both parties of a contract will behave in such a manner as will benefit both parties as much as possible. For instance, if a record company signs a contract with an artist, both parties agree to act "in good faith," meaning that the company will do everything in its power to represent the artist favorably, and sell records. The artist, in return, agrees to put their best efforts into their records, their performances, and whatever promotional activities may be expected. Without the expectation of that somewhat ambiguous "good faith," either party could choose, at any time, to not honor the spirit of the contract, thereby creating disadvantage for both parties.

"Good faith," is an absolute must.A marriage is the same. Perhaps the "faithful" part of the vows goes deeper than sexual fidelity. I believe it means you put your best foot forward, always, and in all things. I believe it means that you do not allow yourself to become a fat lazy, nagging, complaining toddler who doesn't want to have sex with your partner any more. Any deviation from whom you represented yourself to be before, and upon signing the contract is, in fact, a failure to meet the implied "good faith" of the marriage contract. Any false personality you create in order to bag your partner, and then shed as soon as you're married is a misrepresentation. We need to stop defining infidelity as sexual only. Infidelity has many faces, and many manifestations. When you stop trying as a partner, or decide to renege on what you previously offered, you are in fact being disloyal, unfaithful and false to your partner. The idea that unfaithfulness is physical, via the sex act only is a semantic game we need to no longer play. Husbands need to start calling their wives on it. I would go as far as to say that prenups need to include specifics as to sexual frequency, sexual behavior, including attitude, and division of household chores.After all has been said and done, it may surprise you all to know that, in my humble opinion, most men don't fool around because of the sex itself, it's really about the validation, the feelings of being wanted and valued. Women, if you want your man to seek his validation elsewhere, then you know exactly what to do. Cut him off.Men, make it part of your own personal credo to fool around if your wife cuts you off. Let all women know that they have it coming. Let them know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the minute they cut you off, protest, make a fuss, or become grudging about sex, you will walk out that front door and get it somewhere else.

Friday, January 4, 2013

What More Can A Chick Do To Spice Things Up?


I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year, and the affection was very much there. After his inguinal hernia surgery (I supported him emotionally, physically, and financially). After that, I read a message about him meeting up with an old flame using my car. Claims he never went, but no proof, so have no idea. Since then, things started to diminish (to now non-existing). This has been an ongoing issue. Every day, I sit on the chase on one side, and he sits on the couch. No effort on his part to initiate anything more than dinner. Tried the damsel in distress saying I was cold while he had the covers. . . this dame got her own cover after it was ignored. I have tried talking to him, but that turns into him shutting down and me feeling worse. Tried positive reinforcement. Initiating it, you ask? I try to lay on him, but there's always an excuse to get up, or he "gets too uncomfortable easily".

There are only three pop kisses a day at the most: Goodbye, Goodnight, "Random" after I pick him up from work. Yes, you read right, I take him to work and wait an hour to pick him back up. We joke around about us being like Zack and Miri because I wake him up and we ride everywhere. Only time the kisses are open mouth/in any romantic gestures are in the morning when he goes to exit my car, and I am not a morning person.

This lack of affection is really affecting our biweekly sex life (during the afternoon on a Sunday in the living room). Never get kissed for that either. Well, it affects me anyway. If he doesn't ring the bell, he then tells me to finish it myself and he zones out to the TV if I do so. There have been attempts to spice things up, but that didn't get things going. He lost interest within minutes of me dressing up like a cop. Our night at a hotel didn't even involve cuddling. Got rejected when trying to wake him up enough to want to fool around. Only hot day we had was when he used syrup in the kitchen. Tried to rekindle that, but that never gets very far.

So, when is there decent interaction? All I pretty much get is the flirty/picking on each other type in the car or in a store. As soon as we get home, it all stops and we just sit on the furniture until bed. You would think that would encourage some intimacy. We are full size people on two separate full size mattresses (we thought we bought a queen on Craigslist, but we got screwed over). We can both fit on a full size, but with him being over six feet and 360+ lbs, it does not give him much space to sprawl out without me being scared to stretch and fall off.

He claims that he wants to be more affectionate/sexual, but at this point, they are just words coming out of his mouth. I try to accept it, but he sees the disappointed look in my face constantly. I have even taken a brief break in the relationship due to this issue. I am 28 and he is 31, why are we acting like this?

What more can a chick do?

I'mmmmmm Baaaacccckkkk

Hey all my lovely readers. I had to come back becasue of all the people who have been reading my blog while I have been on hiatus.  Thanks for all the love!  You have inspired me to sit in front of my computer and spill a few rants.  You guys have kept my blog alive for the last year while I have been away and I feel the love vibes!

Send me your rants folks!  Just email me!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Relationship Rant PLAYLIST-Song 18

Hey Y'all I hope you had a fabulous weekend.  To kick it off-lets jam!

You all know how much I love Adele-and her new album is coming out in February-so here is a sneak peek...

Monday, January 17, 2011

Waste Not - Want Not


Well since things seem to be functioning in the lovers den.... this rant is about a different relationship-our love affair with trash!

After doing a bit of Spring cleaning over the weekend, I had the plesure of visitng my local dump.  I was astonished to see just how much garbage our community produces.  You see I grew up in the Interior of British Columbia, where all of Vancouvers garbage goes!  In the summer time you were hit with the stench of rotting trash, and when the wind piped up-it was strown across the highway for everyone to witness.  Did you know that your garbage gets buried in the ground?  Well where I am from it does.

So when I went to the dump, I was amazed that no one sorts through the garbage, instead they leave it up to "honest" individulas to tell them what you are dumping. 

Well, as much as I think most people are honest, with todays economy, everyone is looking to save a buck here and there, so the chances of them telling the attendant that they are throwing out old used car batteries, or electronics-which costs more to dump-I am sure they are going with the cheaper avenue-household garbage. 

No one sorts it, no one checks to make sure you are not throwing away old cans of paint-nope instead they shovel it ito a compactor, truck to the lovely place I grew up-and bury it in the ground.

We wonder why we have cancers, life threatening illnesses, and mercury in our oceans.  We wonder why beached whales are disposed of the same way toxic waste is, why our polar bears are dying of exhaustion to make it to their next meal and why our birds are falling from the sky.  Well try burying a toaster in the ground for a few months, and then measuring what chemicals and toxins are seeping into the ground-the same ground where we grow fruits and vegetables to feed our children.

SO next time you have something that you are going to throw away-THINK-think can I donate this to someone in need-can I take anything valuable from it-can I turn it into something useful, can I recycle it, can I keep it.

a tribute to our old dog

"Lady of the vineyard"

"Who Who"-owl

snail on the fence
My New Years resolution hit me this weekend-and it is not to lose weight or quit smoking, which will only benefit me-but rather to waste less.  Throw things away only if it is necessary-and to make something out of the next guys common trash.  My first endeavor will be to make art of of garbage-which my dad does all the time (above photos), or like Aura Joon, who makes stuff out of recycled things or garbage-like old cupboard doors that she paints and puts quotes on.

I hope the next generation is smarter then we were, given they have more then we ever did-does that mean eventually all of it will end up in the landfills?  Well that is up to you and me!

Please send me your great ideas on things that I can make out of garbage like Aura Joon and my dad do!  

PS-Just because you think you are recycling your electronics through the right avenues, check out this video which open our eyes to where it all is really going... a documentary that I will surely be watching, and I hope you do to!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Follow Up: My Boyfriends Best Friend

So if you remember I got a rant from a gal, as she fooled around with her mans best friend while they were broken up... he had a drinking problem.... well if you cannot remember click on the link and read it again...

Here is how she is doing now...


Thank you and your followers for all of your advice.  I went with the honesty is the best policy option, and I am sad to say that we ended our relationship roughly a month after I told him.  However, the reason why I wanted to email you and let you know what happened is that it turns out everything worked out fine.  Stevie's advice was spot on-I was in a bad situation, and neither of those guys were what I really wanted.  Now I have found someone that I could truly be happy with, and we are doing great-no drinking and we do not fight.

I was scared to lose my ex since we had been together for so long, but really that was the best thing for me-perhaps that is why I chose to sleep with his friend in the first place-subconsciously I knew we would never last after that!

If it was not for you and your followers I may still be stuck, trying to lie my way through a meaningless relationship, and miss out on meeting my new man.  My ex is drinking again, and I worry that it is because of me, but I will never look back-thank-you so much for all of your help!

Yours Truly,

"Couldn't be happier"

Monday, January 10, 2011

Relationship Rant PLAYLIST Song 17

So I went and saw "Country Strong" last night, and OMG you must see it.  I do not care what anyone says that movie was amazing.  If you have ever known an alcoholic or you like country music, you must see it, it was a gift to watch.

All of the actors do a great job, and they are all singing themselves.  My favorite song I have chosen to make this weeks Relationship Rant Playlist song. It is just such a touching song, and I hear you do not get this version on the soundtrack so this is a special treat for all of you.   I loved the whole soundtrack as well, but you need to see the movie to make it that much better!

What do you think?

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I Am Back

Well my awesome readers, I am back, after a couple of weeks on a hiatus, I am back.  It is a New Year, but yet everything feels the same.  The holidays were good, but I cannot help but feel so tired.  I have zero motivation, and I cannot figure out why.

I am going to try to get myself out of this rut.  Perhaps I need a vacation from the holidays, but really I think I want something more, something big, and life altering.  I cannot help but feel like something is missing. 

For now, I am going to get ready for another year of rants.  I will do my best to catch up on all your blogs and see how your holidays were.  I hope everyone had a safe and healthy time. 

Do not forget to send me your holiday rants.... it is the most stressful time of year, so you gotta have something to say....

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Do Nice Girls Finish Last?


Once I was a nice altruistic & loving woman. I obeyed my parents. I graduated from a top tier university and created a financially rewarding career. I worked hard and enjoyed life. I have traveled to over 50 countries. I loved & respected others based on their character and nothing else. I always maintained my appearance, never drank, never smoked, never did drugs, never depended on a man & was never promiscuous.

I prided myself on my size 4 figure, flawless skin and long healthy hair. I look about a decade younger then my chronological age. In my 20’s I was married for a short time to a wealthy investment banker in New York. The marriage was initially good but soon discovered he was bipolar. I left and divorced him soon after. I had a good relationship with an Irishman for a few years. We ended it as friends. I did not want to move to Dublin permanently.

I have only been with two men sexually. I am not frigid, a religious fanatic, fat, ugly or deformed. I have always believed sex should be within marriage or at the very least in a mutually loving stable relationship. I have never had a yeast infection, a std, suffered sexual abuse, become pregnant or faced the many woes women who are very sexually promiscuous have to experience. I was disciplined & resisted instant gratification. 95% of me feels comfortable with my life decisions. I avoided a lot of BS women go through in the effort to have “love” or a “man” in their life.

The remaining 5% of me thinks maybe I should have been open to children, willing to sleep with the firm’s partner, sleep with married men in power, willing to have a threesome, willing to date younger men who were attracted to me, accept a man’s jaded sexual past who was reformed and good to me & not reject him. Then I think would I be in denial or an emotional basket case like many women are who take the devil may care attitude. I do not know. We all make choices.

What I have learned is that MOST MEN want a woman dependent on them in some way preferably financially whether they are willing to admit it or not. Most men are not interested in having a smart mate. They only want you to look good & play the arm candy. Most men do not care about your accomplishments. They want to fuck you. Most men want to play the “hero” & solve the problems. They do not want a partner who can solve the problems and avoid the damsel in distress scenario.

It does not pay to be a nice girl in life. Nice girls are boring, lonely, unappreciated and unloved.
Maybe I should have been a whore or a gold digging selfish woman.

Yours truly,

Single lonely 39 year old woman

Monday, December 13, 2010

Relationship Rant PLAYLIST-Song 16

Hey Everyone,

Sorry I have been sick all week, and finally have recovered enough to do a new post.  I hope everyone is doing well, and getting psyched about Christmas and the holidays.  I have almost finished my shopping, and even started wrapping last night-so I do not feel as stressed as I usually do around the holidays.

I am also excited because it is my birthday on Friday-but I have not come up with anything to do-so please give me some ideas-I am not much of a club kind of girl, so it makes it difficult.

My song for today is another one by the Dixie Chicks, and it is one of my favorites, but it is quite sad.  The video is amazing, and anyone I talk to has a different interpretation for the song.  I would love to hear your idea of what this song is about, just comment below.

Mine is that I think it is about child abuse, but I am not going to say anymore until you tell me what you guys think it is about....

I hope you like it as much as I do...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

List of Shit Women Need to Know-Bad Language Warning

Queen,  I saw your FUCK MEN day post, and here is my rebuttle...

(Oh geesh-I knew I had this coming-Queen)

Before I commence, let me say that I am a happily married man. My wife and I work well as a team and enjoy a really good sex life. I am writing this as I see some of my single male friends and what they are going through and I am taking this as THEIR POV for all you complaining women out there who think you are the most beautiful, sexiest, smartest babe around who can walk on water and whose pussy never smells funny. While you are beautiful, you better start paying attention to this shit below.

List of Shit Women Need to Know.

Hey, you know that saying “I have the pussy so I make the rules”…yeah well that’s total bullshit. There are a lot more women out there who are nice, are pretty, and don’t hold that shit over our heads. If you really are staunch about that “I have the..” bullshit, you’ll more than likely end up making those rules with your vibrator.

Stop complaining and doing nothing at all about it. That’s the lamest shit ever…and don’t go on with how tired you are running the kids around. Do you think that the man at work is not freaking out with the responsibility of making bacon for you and the kids? No wonder men die earlier.

Here’s an important one, when I ask you a question, and it’s legitimately a yes or no type of thing, answer yes or no. Example, “honey, do I need to empty the dishwasher?”…The right answer is yes or no….here is an example of the WRONG answer “well, it’s not going to empty itself” (and inserting the rolling eyes adds even more insult to injury). Here’s a clue, men don’t just think about porking every hot babe there is, we have a shitload of stuff on our minds. The bills, the car, the dogs, the yard, the job…tons of shit. So when we ask, it’s for real because we do want to help, but many times were not sure of the status. Oh yeah, fuck you and the idea that we should just get up and do it, how many times have we started something with the assumption that it’s ready to be done, only to be stopped and asked why the hell we are doing that? So answer the fucking question, we’ll get up or stop what we are doing and empty the dishwasher.

Now driving, yeah, you’re worse at it. Want to know why, you’re easily distracted. STOP pointing out every little dumb ass thing on the side of the road that we have seen 100 damn times. Stop trying to do the relationship talk while your feet are supposed to be on the gas and brake pedal, but not both at the same time. Don’t get to the end of a merge lane and THEN just start to look left to merge. Christ…pay attention! I’m totally serious, why you think that now is a good time to start an intense conversation about Jenny’s boyfriend being an asshole or how your boss keep looking down your shirt while navigating downtown rush hour is beyond anyone with a smidge of a brain. No fucking wonder you get stupid at shiny things!

So let’s get some shit straight….

1 – We love you, stop acting like a demented Rottweiler

2 – Answer us directly, we have shit on our minds too and need help remembering shit if it needs to get done.

3 – Stop playing holdout sex games. It WILL drive men away and they will either dump your ass for a new hottie or do it behind your back, or we will become asshole grouses just like you. Enjoy sex and be what your partner wants and he sure will do his damndest to do the same for you.

4 – Trust me, men give you LOTS of breaks, and it’s time you recognized it. Men may be from Mars and women from Venus but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t understand that we are both in space and our gravitational fields relate to each other.

5 – Chill the fuck out OK? We’ll all get along better

Monday, November 29, 2010

Relationship Rant PLAYLIST-Song 15

Yo yo yo!
Wow, some crazy rants here eh?  That last one made me want to jump through my computer and give that poor girl a hug and a ride to the airport-no one deserves to be treated like that!  I find it amazing what a  man can do to a woman.  The way they can make us feel, and make us think that we are the most wonderful people on the face of the earth one day... and the worst people the next.  I hate to say this, but they almost brainwash us, and we flutter on their every word.  I hate this, but I hate to say that I do it too.  I am sure I am not the only one either, speak up ladies, don't be shy.

This next song goes out to all of these women.  It took me some time to figure out what Florence is trying to convey with this song, but lets say it hit me like a bullet in the head.  Perhaps that's what she wanted... us to make us our own meaning for the song.  Well this is what I came up with... us women need to take care of ourselves, as happiness can change in a matter of minutes.  We work like dogs to try and please the men in our lives, and for what?  It does not really get us anywhere in the long run, usually we end up with broken hearts, or worse-broken jaws.

So today I say fuck men, fuck them and the horse they rode in on.  We don't need them for anything.  I change my own oil-and I take out my own trash.  If I really need something handy done... I know that there are good people lurking around that will do things for me because they are good people, not because I did the dishes so they have to fix my car, or better yet because we are sleeping together.  We either pay for their help in one way or another, they are not genuine feelings of gratuity.

So today I mark November 29th as FUCK MEN DAY.  I am sure us women deserve our own fuck women day, but we will leave that to some sour man to create.

Enjoy this song everyone-I just found her even though she has been around for awhile, and I hope you love her as much as I do!


Friday, November 26, 2010

A Positive Rant-There Are Good People In This World


I simply must take this opportunity to tell you that despite the fact my blog focuses on mostly negative rants, sometimes a rave is in order.  Today is that day.  I want to send a shout out to Tom Boos of Vancouver, BC for showing me that there are good people left in this world.

This morning I pulled up to get gas at my local Petro Canada, and there was a line up to get gas.  Once I was finished fueling I jumped back in my van, started the engine, and nothing...  That's not all, my alarm was making this weird noise every few seconds, drawing even more attention to me as I held up everyone trying to gas up behind me.

I immediately got on my phone with 'the man' as he is quite the handy man.  It was early and so I had to call a couple times to wake his ass up, and when I did he was like 'what do you want me to do..." -ass!

So he says to ask the gas guy if he has a wrench, so I ask, and he says there is a mechanic shop next door and they probably have one, so I went over, but then I remembered I left my purse in my open van, so I went back-I looked like a chicken with my head cut off, running around... clueless.

On my way back to my car, a gentleman asked me if I needed a wrench, as he must have over heard me ask the gas guy.  I said "yes, but I don't know what to do with it".  The man is on the phone on one ear, and this guy on the other, so I told my man I had to go as I could not talk to two people at once.

You see I get really panicked in these situations, I think it is out of embarrassment, and I do not know why I care about what these people think of me-I will likely never see any of them again, but the man gets mad when I get all panicky and shriek on the phone in his ear, so I did not mind hanging up to speak with this nice calm gentleman with the wrench.

We walked over to my car, and he fiddled with a few things and asked me to start it.  Poof-she started no problem.  I said "how did you do that?" and he told me that my battery posts are loose and dirty, so he showed me what to do if it happens again.

Then he gave me the wrench, and I said no no-thats okay.  He said no take it-trust me-this will happen again until you take it in and get those tightened and cleaned.  So I accepted the wrench, and I told him-I owe him one-can I by ya a beer or something?  He said no but let me give you my card-and just tell your friends about me-I said so you are a mechanic, and he replied that too, I do it all.  His card read-handyman. 

He is right though-he is that too, because not only is he a handyman, mechanic and cleaner, but he was my little miracle for the day.

So thank-you Tim Boos-YOU ROCK!  You showed me there are good people left in this world.  I will tell everyone I know about you, and now I know what to do if it happens again.  You know what they say... teach a man to fish and he will at for a year, or some shit.

Tim taught me to fish, and now I am proud to be human again!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

My Secret

ok so i'm married i have been for 3 years now and honestly I HATE IT!
my husband is the biggest jerk in the world he yells at me degrades me and cares more about his materialistic things than me....or his daughter (who is 3 months old btw)

i just dont know what to do, i cant just leave him (i had my daughter 3 months ago and now im fat no one else would want some fat girl) and to make matters worse i support him he doesnt work nor has he ever when i met him he lived with his parents and 5 months later he was living with me and still is.
I just feel lost and confused when i got pregnant with my daughter i was so excited and two months later we were set to go to the first ultra sound and the night before the ultra sound he gave me a story about how he needed to rush to his moms (which is over an hour away) and stay there for a few months because she was having serious health problems, i was hurt but i understood. Then a few days later i talked to his mom on the phone when i called for him and she was asking me why he needed to be there and asked me how I planned on paying her for him staying there....I asked her what he told her and she told me that he told her that he just needed to get away.

So i ask him and like every other time he gets caught in a lie he flips out and yells and screams until the cops come... so then i play it off like nothing is wrong and put on a happy face for the cops (not that i did anything illegal or anything but to save his ass). So on christmas my parents got us matching IPod touches and in february i was playing on mine and apparently he asked me a question and i didnt answer so he grabbed my IPod and threw it against the wall (several times) and broke it ok so he still plays on his all the time, im not allowed to touch his but im fine with that seeing how im always working or taking care of my baby one day his goes off and its some 17 year old girl named "melissa wright" and she is talking about having sex with him and getting married to him so i pick it up and message her back and tell her that hes married and she messages me back and says i know babe when are you going to tell her that your moving with me ( i never said who i was when i messaged her) a month after that my baby was crying (i had just worked 18 hours) he woke me up and said "arent you going to get your kid" so i say "shes yours too cant you get her" and he said "FUCK" and jumps up and gets her then he throws the baby wipes against the wall and breaks them open. So obviously being a mother i get up fearing for my baby and tell him not to worry about it and i take over and he goes to bed and at this point he chooses to sleep in the guest bedroom so that the baby doesnt disturb him anymore.

so tonight i hugged him and he dropped his IPod (on the carpet in the living room) and he starts yelling at me telling me what a worthless bitch i am.

And to make matters worse his mom and dad are getting a divorce and his mom doesnt have a job so i have been paying her bills too and she just talks about me all the time and even made him think it was okay to physically abuse me.

I work constantly and feel like i have a dark secret that only me and my now 3 month baby know.
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