Once I was a nice altruistic & loving woman. I obeyed my parents. I graduated from a top tier university and created a financially rewarding career. I worked hard and enjoyed life. I have traveled to over 50 countries. I loved & respected others based on their character and nothing else. I always maintained my appearance, never drank, never smoked, never did drugs, never depended on a man & was never promiscuous.
I prided myself on my size 4 figure, flawless skin and long healthy hair. I look about a decade younger then my chronological age. In my 20’s I was married for a short time to a wealthy investment banker in New York. The marriage was initially good but soon discovered he was bipolar. I left and divorced him soon after. I had a good relationship with an Irishman for a few years. We ended it as friends. I did not want to move to Dublin permanently.
I have only been with two men sexually. I am not frigid, a religious fanatic, fat, ugly or deformed. I have always believed sex should be within marriage or at the very least in a mutually loving stable relationship. I have never had a yeast infection, a std, suffered sexual abuse, become pregnant or faced the many woes women who are very sexually promiscuous have to experience. I was disciplined & resisted instant gratification. 95% of me feels comfortable with my life decisions. I avoided a lot of BS women go through in the effort to have “love” or a “man” in their life.
The remaining 5% of me thinks maybe I should have been open to children, willing to sleep with the firm’s partner, sleep with married men in power, willing to have a threesome, willing to date younger men who were attracted to me, accept a man’s jaded sexual past who was reformed and good to me & not reject him. Then I think would I be in denial or an emotional basket case like many women are who take the devil may care attitude. I do not know. We all make choices.
What I have learned is that MOST MEN want a woman dependent on them in some way preferably financially whether they are willing to admit it or not. Most men are not interested in having a smart mate. They only want you to look good & play the arm candy. Most men do not care about your accomplishments. They want to fuck you. Most men want to play the “hero” & solve the problems. They do not want a partner who can solve the problems and avoid the damsel in distress scenario.
It does not pay to be a nice girl in life. Nice girls are boring, lonely, unappreciated and unloved.
Maybe I should have been a whore or a gold digging selfish woman.
Yours truly,
Single lonely 39 year old woman
It doesn't pay to be the nice dependable man either. Women go for the "bad boys", not stable, respectable men. It isn't right, but women have brought it on themselves by hanging on "bad boys". How many men have started as your supposedly ideal man and switched once they saw how women flock to men who mistreat them. Stop rewarding men who act like this and they will slowly disappear.
ReplyDeleteI agree that being a nice girl gets us nowhere. Sadly, society embraces the naughty party girls. People say to me all the time, "oh you're too nice! You just wouldn't understand."
ReplyDeleteWhoa. That is awesome! I however, disagree on a couple of points. I am a handy dandy in the middle kind of girl . I was born the middle child, I was a middle of the road student and i almost exclusively worked at middle of the road radio stations. in this case, i don't think middle of the road is all bad. There are men who likely have the same argument as you. The old adage "nice guys finish last" thing. May be true. Or it may just be a story we've been perpetuating.
ReplyDeleteJust like the author of the book "The 4 Hour Work Week" says, someone had the point of view that in order to become financially free you ahd to work 9-5 5 days a week. So. A simple shift in that point of view could alter the entire world and the way we work.
So why not a shift in the point of view of nice guys or girls finishing last. I like to think of myself as more on the nice girl side, however, i'm sure if I took a microscope to Santa's naughty list, I'd definitely be on it.
I say give yourself props for being you and be grateful for you. I didn't hear you not being grateful, but I did hear some "resentment" perhaps. I think you're awesome for who you are. NO matter what you have done or not done.
I look at you thinking "gosh, maybe if I hadn't done that stuff in my 20s my life would be different." naw...my life is awesome.
Thank you for this post. it's amazing!
Frankly, I'm tired of hearing, "Nice ________s finish last."
ReplyDeleteYou chose to live your life a certain way, and like almost everyone else you have some doubts and regrets. Yet how many women your age are overweight, tied down in a (possibly loveless) marriage with children, hating their jobs, wishing maybe they had traveled, built up careers, or taken more time for themselves? Like you, they made choices and sacrifices. Like you, they may be asking, "What if?" By your own admission you didn't want to be them, so you lived your life differently.
I enjoyed reading your post. I did. But what I'm sick of hearing are complaints of dissatisfaction, which somehow gets blamed on other people. I just don't buy the whole "I'm not romantically fulfilled because all/most/many [people in a group] are [a certain way]" argument.
Yes, there are a lot of entitled men out there who just want arm candy. But (again, by your own admission) that doesn't mean ALL men are that way. So own up to who you are and what you want, and find someone from that 5%. But please don't patronize the women who threw caution to the wind and possibly did some things they regret now.
why would you want to lose your sense of self? WHY? i think the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side and no matter what, you'll hate yourself if you become this archetype woman you're describing.
ReplyDeleteenjoy yourself and enjoy what you can provide yourself. no smelly man laundry, no having to depend on them for everything. YOU HAVE IT MADE!!!
cheer up, there's someone out there for everyone and when you stop lookin' is when they'll show up
***ladyvader99.blogspot.com***
Unfortunately nice girls fall for bad boys even when they know they are not worth it. They want guys they can try to fix. You are responsible for your own happiness. Once you show this to the world, the guys will come flocking:)
ReplyDeleteFirst let me say that I am with you 100% in your life choices. There is nothing wrong with being the person you were and are. I think women like you are a rare breed and if only the world had more of them, it would be a better place.
ReplyDeleteLove is graceful thing and keeping it that makes it better. You mention thinking that you should have made other choices, maybe threesomes, etc... who cares. Yes, you could have. You didn't. It doesn't make you boring or a worse person.
There are plenty of great men who would worship a strong woman like you. There are plenty that are good and would make great fathers and would have no porblem staying home and sending you off to work your successful job.
I think a woman like, when she is happy and brimming with confidence exudes so much feminine mystique that the men you really want are frightened off into the corner. Know how awesome you are. When you are out, and looking around while strutting your stuff, find a geek. the shy disinterested looking one that sneakily is trying to catch glimpses of you... not glaring like most of the mouth breathers... maybe he's with a few geeky friends... join them, chat with them. It will probably take at least 10 minutes of listening and talking before you are accepted as human and your shininess is no longer frightening to them.
Talk about stuff that interests you... argue strongly, don't submit, strength is hot.
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