Wednesday, December 1, 2010
List of Shit Women Need to Know-Bad Language Warning
(Oh geesh-I knew I had this coming-Queen)
Before I commence, let me say that I am a happily married man. My wife and I work well as a team and enjoy a really good sex life. I am writing this as I see some of my single male friends and what they are going through and I am taking this as THEIR POV for all you complaining women out there who think you are the most beautiful, sexiest, smartest babe around who can walk on water and whose pussy never smells funny. While you are beautiful, you better start paying attention to this shit below.
List of Shit Women Need to Know.
Hey, you know that saying “I have the pussy so I make the rules”…yeah well that’s total bullshit. There are a lot more women out there who are nice, are pretty, and don’t hold that shit over our heads. If you really are staunch about that “I have the..” bullshit, you’ll more than likely end up making those rules with your vibrator.
Stop complaining and doing nothing at all about it. That’s the lamest shit ever…and don’t go on with how tired you are running the kids around. Do you think that the man at work is not freaking out with the responsibility of making bacon for you and the kids? No wonder men die earlier.
Here’s an important one, when I ask you a question, and it’s legitimately a yes or no type of thing, answer yes or no. Example, “honey, do I need to empty the dishwasher?”…The right answer is yes or no….here is an example of the WRONG answer “well, it’s not going to empty itself” (and inserting the rolling eyes adds even more insult to injury). Here’s a clue, men don’t just think about porking every hot babe there is, we have a shitload of stuff on our minds. The bills, the car, the dogs, the yard, the job…tons of shit. So when we ask, it’s for real because we do want to help, but many times were not sure of the status. Oh yeah, fuck you and the idea that we should just get up and do it, how many times have we started something with the assumption that it’s ready to be done, only to be stopped and asked why the hell we are doing that? So answer the fucking question, we’ll get up or stop what we are doing and empty the dishwasher.
Now driving, yeah, you’re worse at it. Want to know why, you’re easily distracted. STOP pointing out every little dumb ass thing on the side of the road that we have seen 100 damn times. Stop trying to do the relationship talk while your feet are supposed to be on the gas and brake pedal, but not both at the same time. Don’t get to the end of a merge lane and THEN just start to look left to merge. Christ…pay attention! I’m totally serious, why you think that now is a good time to start an intense conversation about Jenny’s boyfriend being an asshole or how your boss keep looking down your shirt while navigating downtown rush hour is beyond anyone with a smidge of a brain. No fucking wonder you get stupid at shiny things!
So let’s get some shit straight….
1 – We love you, stop acting like a demented Rottweiler
2 – Answer us directly, we have shit on our minds too and need help remembering shit if it needs to get done.
3 – Stop playing holdout sex games. It WILL drive men away and they will either dump your ass for a new hottie or do it behind your back, or we will become asshole grouses just like you. Enjoy sex and be what your partner wants and he sure will do his damndest to do the same for you.
4 – Trust me, men give you LOTS of breaks, and it’s time you recognized it. Men may be from Mars and women from Venus but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t understand that we are both in space and our gravitational fields relate to each other.
5 – Chill the fuck out OK? We’ll all get along better