tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5603640357894856961.post2047978776246612488..comments2024-01-29T00:36:29.445-08:00Comments on Relationship Rant: I Have Never Heard My Mom CryQueen of the Ranthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14153375120518046774noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5603640357894856961.post-42468478725557112912010-08-27T14:48:49.074-07:002010-08-27T14:48:49.074-07:00Not being married or having kids are not markers o...Not being married or having kids are not markers of a bad or failing relationship. Sure, they are things that can bring you happiness and most women dream of them both. But you can still be totally happy in a decent relationship with a guy without them, and likewise can have them in the wrong relationship and be unhappy because of it.<br /><br />It seems like your mother is recognising the things she did wrong with you - which is good - but she's not going the right way about it because rather than advise you, she's simply criticising your man (though this is maybe because otherwise, she couldn't talk to you about the past).<br /><br />I guess before you're confiding in her about your relationship you need to sort out the one you have with her first and clear the air. She's obviously guilty as hell for something and that won't help either of you.<br /><br />Good luck!Decuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14156951504523003131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5603640357894856961.post-38808292990738557422010-08-26T14:15:18.286-07:002010-08-26T14:15:18.286-07:00best thing to do is sit down and write a letter to...best thing to do is sit down and write a letter to yourself about your feelings, read it back to yourself and decide if you had received this letter from your friend what advice would you give her!<br />it works for me.<br />xxPrincessBekshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07315849287963730159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5603640357894856961.post-30476486016449397762010-08-25T21:09:14.905-07:002010-08-25T21:09:14.905-07:00I wouldn't say you have nothing to show for yo...I wouldn't say you have nothing to show for your relationship. That's going a bit far, in my opinion. Some things we gain/learn cannot be seen. <br /><br />I think there are questions you need to ask yourself: 1. If things stay the same, do you feel it is in your best interest to stay in this relationship? 2. Are you afraid of walking away--afraid you might regret it? 3. Would you be okay if this life you're now living with him is the life you will always live...no change? 4. Are you happy? 5. If not, can you name 3 things that would make you happy? <br /><br />It's strange, but something happens to a woman's mindset when she reaches her late twenties/early 30s. You get stronger. <br /><br />You love him; he loves you. BUT he absolutely should not make you feel like you are wrong all the time--I'm quite sure he's not right all the time...it's called being human. <br /><br />Follow your instincts--they will guide you surprisingly well. *hugs* Don't be afraid, you will be just fine.The Frisky Virginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03782384806427143829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5603640357894856961.post-24786615273526283652010-08-25T19:03:42.704-07:002010-08-25T19:03:42.704-07:00I can't give you advice because if I did I wou...I can't give you advice because if I did I would only be projecting my own experiences onto yours. I was with 2 different men (at different times) who never were going to marry me but I always told myself they would someday. When I finally knew better, I left, but you can't leave until and unless you are ready. Controlling, disrespectful men who do not want a 50/50 partner, but only want someone to cook and clean and f*** are not worth the time and effort. That's what I know. Whether or not you're with a man like that? That's for you to decide, and no one else. Not your friends, not your mom. You know the truth deep down. I recommend taking some quiet meditation time each day to really get in touch with what you know deep down, and there will be your answer.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5603640357894856961.post-914295806553336332010-08-25T17:10:24.387-07:002010-08-25T17:10:24.387-07:00Queen...only you know how you are being treated in...Queen...only you know how you are being treated in your relationship and what you are willing to tolerate. Only your opinion truly matters. <br /><br />I have found in the past that people in general tend to reach out and discuss the negatives more than the positives. There is always a downfall to sharing too much with close friends and family because they end up forming negative opinions of your significant other that are difficult to change. I know that I personally have a good cry and blow things out of proportion and then share when I'm emotionally distraught making situations seem worse than they are...this can do permanent damage to the way friends view your man. I now tell friends...look I love him and he loves me...but I have to vent. Without judging our relationship can you just hear me out. I find this helps a bit. <br /><br />Unfortunately, its true that children who grow up with dysfunctional parents learn to tip toe around issues and pretend they aren't affected by them, making asserting themselves in future relationships difficult. These children, as adults, are more likely to be in abusive and dysfunctional relationships. This is not a certainty by any means, but it can be a major factor. <br /><br />In the end you have to trust yourself to know what is best for you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5603640357894856961.post-1539812016035168962010-08-25T14:38:34.493-07:002010-08-25T14:38:34.493-07:00thank-you everyone-I am feeling better already-see...thank-you everyone-I am feeling better already-see you guys are the best-no judgments-just solid good advice-loves ya MUAHQueen of the Ranthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14153375120518046774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5603640357894856961.post-45089564162256772432010-08-25T14:15:08.778-07:002010-08-25T14:15:08.778-07:00Your Mom is wrong. She has issues with her past mi...Your Mom is wrong. She has issues with her past mistakes, and is trying to "fix" them now with your adult life. Here's the deal. My Mom always says "If it's not an issue in your relationship, it's not an issue." If you're OK with how your life is, then don't let her convince you that it's not OK. If your not ok with aspects of your life then discuss it with the MAN not MOM. That's the only way anything will change, in fact talking with Mom can often make it worse. And there's no saying that if you want a house or a car or even kids, that you can't do that on your own. (I did, well the house and car thing, the kids I'm doing alone now by choice) What is NOT wrong, is asking the man where he wants HIS life to be by 30. If it doesn't match with yours, that's OK, just make sure that if you're staying with him, they are things you can live without. -JJulihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10097214923216967086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5603640357894856961.post-53542782424053617292010-08-25T13:44:00.059-07:002010-08-25T13:44:00.059-07:00Oh man, count your blessings. My mom cries all the...Oh man, count your blessings. My mom cries all the time!! Wanna switch ;-) j/k j/k!<br /><br />As for the quote... I so can't wait to see it!! Send it my way! And I was actually going to do a post asking everyone to send me their favorite quote. And then I'd post them on the right hand side of the blog and put the quote and the blogger's name/link.Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01176522388318887824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5603640357894856961.post-39749062856998064352010-08-25T11:39:43.839-07:002010-08-25T11:39:43.839-07:00queen: as far as crying, I only have heard my mom ...queen: as far as crying, I only have heard my mom cry when my grandfather died ( her dad).. and that was the ugly cry as Oprah would say...Kalei's Best Friendhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12331539743751163269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5603640357894856961.post-51987697935893032402010-08-25T11:16:27.246-07:002010-08-25T11:16:27.246-07:00Queen: Your mom is wrong... Why is it that the old...Queen: Your mom is wrong... Why is it that the older generation always says " u have nothing to show for it'? my ex bf had that attitude as well. I remember he mumbled something about 'wanting to show that it was worth being in a relationship'... why is it that people have to have a physical benefit from something? Your mother was wrong to say that to you.... And no, however small the change is that u want, u can't expect unless that PERSON IS WILLING to change.... <br />I think when your mother started venting it was probably because of what u have gone through, she probably feels she was a lousy parent but hey, we do what we do at the time... We all make mistakes... If anything she should of been more sympathetic ... I think from now on for your sake- do what I do... Make a list of pros and cons on whatever situation that u r questioning... It works believe me...Stop beating yourself up!Kalei's Best Friendhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12331539743751163269noreply@blogger.com